An Autobiography

An Autobiography
By Dhritiman Ray


Stories- the most powerful force of human imagination.
Through stories we can make someone laugh, cry, make someone happy, make someone feel what we feel, say something what we want everyone to hear, etc.
This is my story, I dont know if it will make you laugh or cry; I just want to let my feelings out.
The feelings I have accumulated in me for my whole life, the feelings which burdened my heart from always, the feelings which always made me cry.
From childhood I was a lonenly child.
It was not my nature to be so, the world made me so. It was my looks- from childhood I have very feminine looks. I was always teased, their words pierced my heart every single time.
They treated me like I had some contagious disease, and would always make fun of me.
I grew up to be an unconfident, introvert and lonely child.
Till fourth grade I had made some decent friends, but fate was cruel to me and in fifth grade all the classes were shuffled; and once again I became lonely.
Two whole years I lived like a looser, teased and bullied by everyone.
But I also had one or two friends, true friends who didnt care for my looks.
One of them was a girl I kinda liked, but we were just friends till then.
But we both knew that we liked each other; but we were too young for these things at that time.
Then in seventh standard something happened which changed my whole life, for good or for bad I dont know.
I fell in love with a girl two years older than me.
I knew I was a looser and no one would even like to hangout with me, let alone be with me.
So I just decided to change my life.
I decided that I would just break out of my shell and be worthy of her.
So I just stopped talking to my friends, who also weren't so high up in the social ladder like me.
I started to mingle with people who I thought were very popular and cool.
To change my feminine looks and to stop people from teasing me I changed my hairstyle.
It was a very weird hairdo, but as long as I wasnt looking feminine it was ok.
I also became best friends with two popular people, one girl one boy.
I also wrote letters as a secret admirer to the girl I loved, giving her clues from which she can identify me.
I gave her letters directly and in my own writing.
I said to her that someone came and gave it to me, saying that it was for her.
I wanted her to suspect me.
In one of the letters I wrote a poem for her, that was the first poem of my life.
well in the end I confessed to her in a final letter and gave her a lucky charm which I had found one day.
But I didnt have the guts to propose her.
The world seemed like heaven till then.
But that was just a mirage, an illusion.
One day I discovered I had epilepsy. It didnt effect my life much, but after the first attack for some weird reason my life changed completely once again.
I realised that now because of my hairdo, people labeled me as a weirdo plus they still teased me.
My best friends were no more my friends, and all the other 'cool' people with whom I hanged out with made me feel like a lowly being.
But still I clunged on to them, desperate to change me label and stop their teasing.
I even tried to cut my wrists, but thankfully decided that I'll not commit suicide for that filthy world I hated.
The only good thing was that I started talking to my first crush again.
I realised that how bad I had been to her, and we were friends again.
I also realised that we no longer can be lovers, but instead we shared a relationship similar to that of a brother and a sister.
And since then she has been my sister and the best human being I have known.
Well....life once again turned gloomy.
But in ninth standard thankfully my class was reshuffled.
Only some of my new classmates were from my old class, and the rest of them were all unknown people.
So once again I decided to start my life afresh.
From an introvert I changed into a complete extrovert, crazy, fun loving person who lived his life to the most.
I made some fantastic friends,who were actually at the top of the social ladder; and since then life has been great.
But in my life good news always follows with bad news.
My crush turned sister was moving from India (my country) to Canada.
It was a hard blow to me, the person I loved the most, the person who had been by my side even when I wasnt beside her, was going away.
I cried a lot.
And one fine night she left.
We both are connected through internet since then.
God bless the internet.
Well that was my life till now.
There had been a lot of dark days and sometimes sunny days but in the end everything turned alright.
I am living a happy life now and I just want to tell everybody else that-
If life turns gloomy, sad and dark;
just keep hope and be sure to light the spark.
For one day that spark will turn into a fire,
And your life will change according to your desire.
Your world will be drowned in a flood of light,
And at last you'll live, for that's your right.

Hey spike, here as requested. ^^

Nitpicks

say something what we want everyone to hear, etc.

I think you meant “that”

The feelings I have accumulated in me for my whole life, the feelings which burdened my heart from always, the feelings which always made me cry.

There is far too much repetition of the word “feelings.” I would recommend cutting out a few words and just saying: “These feelings have accumulated for all of my life. They’ve burdened my heart from the beginning. They’re the reason that I cry.”

From childhood I was a lonenly child.

Here is another example of repetition. Sure, “child” and “childhood” are too different words but they have similar sounds are read similarly. This can give the feeling of repetition. Something better may be: “I’ve been lonely since childhood.”

It was not my nature to be so, the world made me so. It was my looks- from childhood I have very feminine looks. I was always teased, their words pierced my heart every single time.
They treated me like I had some contagious disease, and would always make fun of me.
I grew up to be an unconfident, introvert and lonely child.
Till fourth grade I had made some decent friends, but fate was cruel to me and in fifth grade all the classes were shuffled; and once again I became lonely.

One of them was a girl I kinda liked, but we were just friends till then.

Okay, the above has a lot of words that have been bolded. The first “looks” are yet another example of repetition. Repetition can make the reader think you don’t have an expansive vocabulary. This goes for another word that you used, “lonely.”
Secondly is your use of the words “till” and “kinda,” neither of which are real words. Well, “till” is but you mean “until” and that’s the way it should be written. The same goes for “kinda” in the fact that it should be written as “kind of.”

Repetion and Word Choice
One of the best parts about being a writer (at least for me) is finding out and being able to explore new words and having the opportunity to explore the English language from the creative aspect. But in your autobiography, you repeat many words such as “lonely” “child” and “looks.” To a reader, this will show a lack of creativity. And we all want to read a creative story. Another thing you have to be careful of is the use of words like “kinda” or “sorta” and “till” which are actually “kind of” “sort of” and “until.”

Telling, not Showing
There is a very common phrase both on the site and just throughout the writing world and it goes “Show, don’t Tell.” That means that you don’t just give us the bare bones facts saying that “_____ did _______ and ______ and felt _____ because it was a ________ achievement.” In essence, this is way too much compressed into a very small package. Expand. Elaborate.

Emotion
You give us two emotions here: happy and sad. And that generally isn’t enough of a spectrum for readers. They want to read a story about the in between emotions. Confused, thrilled, nervous. Those are the emotions that make people who they are.
To add to this, it seems too full of angst. Yes, it’s a sad story but you when you’ve lived a painful childhood, you learn to relish those happy memories. You mention them, then fly on to the sad event that took away that happy moment. We don’t have time to connect with that joy before it’s taken away.

This is a good layout for a longer story. What you need to do is add depth to the events that you mention.

Any questions, feel free to PM me.

~lilymoore