My Resurrection

resurrection: act of rebirth.

With you it’s my time to be free,
To touch,
To learn,
To see who’s the real me,
Cause with you I have no connections,
To the past or the future you’re my resurrection,
I just live each day how it’s supposed to be,
Not caring how people think of me,
I stare at the stars until you show me dawn,
Knowing I won’t be this way for long,

Someday a girl will walk by you,
And you’ll leave me alone in the cold,
I’m sorry I could ever doubt you,
But that’s what I’ve always been told,

I won’t worry about that today,
I’ll just lie back in your arms,
And enjoy my new revival,
Where nothing can do me no harm,

Cause with you I have no connections,
To the past or the future,
You’re my resurrection.

the last line didn't impress me as the rest of the poem did, and while the second stanza seemed like you were about to stray, you quickly reeled it back in. this line, also, was off with the rhythm:

To the past or the future you’re my resurrection,

I loved the whole point of this poem, though, and it definitely described the feeling well. i don't think i needed the definition, but i'm sure some others might have, so i suppose that's a useful tool, espicially since it's the entire point of the poem.

my favorite line:

I stare at the stars until you show me dawn,
Knowing I won’t be this way for long,

wonderful. a few flaws, but overall - good.

Thank you so much! That is my first poem so I'm glad you liked it!

wow! im not too keen on poems to be honest (i've done too many in class) but your poem really hit me. If its a first try then im amazed! I really enjoyed it. I agree with Xantha thogh about the 2nd stanza - you do seem to stray slightly - but you come back to your point on top form. I disagree with Xantha about the last line. I think that was my favourite line as it just seems to really get your point across without having to bring in more ideas. I loved it, well done.

Thanks so much you guys! I think I'll definitely keep trying to write more. Thank you.

I absolutly loved your poem. I loved the message you had behind the poem. The idea that this person is resurrecting you and making you who you really are and having no connections with them. The first stanza was my favorite.

Zelalem wrote:I stare at the stars until you show me dawn,
Knowing I won’t be this way for long,

I also loved these lines. Just the way you exect them is fabulous. I know its not a very good critique but I am not a very good critiquer.

ah! Thank you so much! I'll try to write more soon!

I agree with many of the above. This was beautiful overall.

With you it’s my time to be free,
To touch,
To learn,
To see who’s the real me,
Cause with you I have no connections,
To the past or the future you’re my resurrection,
I just live each day how it’s supposed to be,
Not caring how people think of me,
I stare at the stars until you show me dawn,
Knowing I won’t be this way for long,

The first line wasn't terrible, but it didn't really draw me in. It's exceptional, but just keep in mind that the first line must suck the reader in. Okay, your separation of 'to touch' and 'to learn' was strategic, but I suggest saying 'see who's the real me' and omitting 'to' to avoid excessive repetition. I loved your last two lines... beautiful

Someday a girl will walk by you,
And you’ll leave me alone in the cold,
I’m sorry I could ever doubt you,
But that’s what I’ve always been told,

This was pretty, but it lacked the imagery to make it as powerful as it could be. It's got its point across, but didn't really intrigue me.

I won’t worry about that today,
I’ll just lie back in your arms,
And enjoy my new revival,
Where nothing can do me no harm,

This was well-done. I'm not sure if you did this intentionally, but I really didn't like the 'no' in the last line. 'where nothing can do me harm' flows more.

Cause with you I have no connections,
To the past or the future,
You’re my resurrection.

Normally, I would love this repetition at the end, but in this case, it just ended the way it started and didn't seem to add any significance to that phrase. Perhaps just expounding on the end a little. Adding an extra line or two to make the ending at least a little different.

This was good, especially for your 1st poem. Good job and please keep writing.

Thanks a lot for all your comments!
Ecspecially Writersdomain, I think I'll do a revised version of this poem and post it in this thread over the weekend!