We Just Met

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The new day has begun:
Sugar we’re goin’ down, swingin’
In the park, for hours a day
And the sickness from staring at the sky
Staring at the sun in different angles
Melts away from our minds

And I miss you when you’re away
But the lunch dates symbolize memories
So will you please remember me?
Don’t go off to some other Olive Garden
Leaving me alone with Italian food is tragic

All the times you have come over
We have always managed to chatter on
Toast, fingers, squares, marriage, toasters
And then when we have something new to say
Time pulls us apart and you must leave

Today the moon reminded me of you
But why can’t you look back at me from the sky?
Do you remember how we look at each another?
That long stare into the eyes, into the soul,
Until my mom comes and pushes us apart
Screaming, “Kissing is disgusting!” And we laugh.
Because she doesn’t kiss my dad: he kisses her.
Last edited by Elizabeth on Sun Jan 15, 2006 8:29 am, edited 1 time in total.




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I like this. I noticed that you threw in at least one line from a real song, though; isn't that plagiarism? Anyway, I like how you kind of mixed deeper stuff with more realistic stuff. I know this is a horribly unhelpful review, but I liked this poem a lot.




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If I put the line of the song in italics would that symbolize it's not my own? Or not, because I want the line it, it fits in so well, it gives me the shivers to think of how well I placed that line :P

And you must have been TPBM ;) :P Thank you, read again!




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Ooh, I really like this a lot! Like Bobo said, the mix between realistic and deeply emotional was great. Overall, it was a strong poem from beginning to end, and I honestly can't find anything to seriously critique. Sorry. :)

Keep it up!
"A poet in love is best encouraged in both capacities or neither." ~ Jane Austen, Emma.




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I absolutely loved your poem. It used reality to help express all of the feelings. I also loved how you used the line from sugar were goin' down(I really like fall out boy)
~*~Peace, Love, and Protesters~*~
I'm not off beat!I'm marching to the beat of my own drum
I rock my socks
Hippielicious the bold new flavor from caroline
JFK BLOWN AWAY WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO SAY!!!!!!!




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Yeah, that song is me and Connor's song...
Yes, I can finally admit this poem is about him.
About meeting him.

I love Fallout Boy as well.
Thank you for the critique.

And Skye Demon: Don't feel bad if you can't butcher and rip apart my piece of poetry :) I perfer to cut my own meat :P



If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.
— Lemony Snicket