The Darker Side of Me

Caught up feelings,tripped emotions,
spilled blood and cut out insides.
Liquid tears turn cold and solid,
bitterness carries the deadly taste of vomit.

Seas of hatred,oceans of guilt.
Miles of silence destroy and rebuild,
future homes for dried out wounds and scars.
Caused by a poisoned dagger or knife.
As the redness left its mark,
at the end of the reapers saife.

Shallow, hollow, deep and circle,
empty landmarks close the curtain.
Fire emblem red and yellow,
burn inside and ease up strength.
Overachieve and succeed the will,
to fight, proceed, destroy and kill.
For pride will finally rise and see :
the defeated darker side of me

This has some really powerful, haunting parts which I really liked, but it also had some parts I think need work. Really very beautiful though! Very nice work, Chandni!

Caught up feelings,mixed emotions,
spilled blood and ripped out insides.
Liquid tears turn cold and solid,
bitterness contains the deadly taste of vomit.

I like how you dove right into the poem, but for the first word, I think 'caught up' is a little vague and uncreative. Caught up as in catching up to you after time? Caught up as in trapped inside you? A better word would make a beautiful entrance into the poem. Also, 'mixed' seems a little weak; a more powerful word might do better there, but mixed isn't too bad if you can't think of anything else. The second line was good, but I didn't like 'ripped out' either, maybe it's just me and adjectives with prepositions, but I suggest using the word 'gutted' there and maybe changing the word 'insides' to 'corpse' or a synonym for emotion because 'ripped out insides' reminds me of the word 'gutted', a very dismal adjective. I loved your 3rd line and must suggest saying 'liquid tears freeze cold...' ,but it is alright the way it is. Your last line was very clear and powerful though I did not like the word 'contain'. Perhaps 'reeks with' might sound more powerful, but it was a good closure to that stanza.

Seas of hatred,oceans of guilt.
Miles of silence destroy and rebuild,
future homes for dryed (should be dried)out wounds and scars.
Caused by a poisoned dagger or knife.
As the redness left its mark,
at the end of the reapers saife.

I liked your water theme in the first line; I could picture what you were saying and your second line was very intriguing. I wan't too fond of 'dried out' (yes, another adjective and preposition), but can't think of anything right now to improve it. I did like the idea of homes for the wounds and scars though. Your last three lines were chilling and beautiful. You work the words quite well in those lines, very beautiful.

Shallow, hollow, deep and circle,
empty landmarks close the curtain.
Fire emblem red and yellow,
burn inside and donate strength.
Overachieve and succeed the will,
to fight, proceed, destroy and kill.
For pride will finally raise (I think this should be rise) and see :
the defeated darker side of me

I didn't get how 'circle' fit in with the other word in the 1st line, but the 1st lines was still a good beginning; I love your pairing of the words 'shallow' and 'hollow'. Empty landmarks... beautiful. I thought 'donate strength' sounded a little out of place just because the word 'donate' wasn't as intense as the other verbs you used so rephrasing that thought may be good. I love your couplet at the end! It closed the poem so well. Very beautiful.

I really loved this poem. Excluding my little nitpicks with words, I thought this was extremely well done. You succeeded in making it both sorrowful and chilling. Very nicely done. Keep writing please.

I changed some parts which I had to agree with Writersdomain that were a little of rythem..

Caught up feelings,tripped emotions,
spilled blood and cut out insides.
Liquid tears turn cold and solid,
bitterness carries the deadly taste of vomit.

I couldn't really find anything better then tripped..
I really like the fact I used carries instead of contains it just sounds better.

Seas of hatred,oceans of guilt.
Miles of silence destroy and rebuild,
future homes for dried out wounds and scars.
Caused by a poisoned dagger or knife.
As the redness left its mark,
at the end of the reapers saife.

I changed it by grammar and yet it would be better if I could change it but I couldn't find anything better maybe : flaked wounds and scars
I don't know it just doesn't sound right

Shallow, hollow, deep and circle,
empty landmarks close the curtain.
Fire emblem red and yellow,
burn inside and ease up strength.
Overachieve and succeed the will,
to fight, proceed, destroy and kill.
For pride will finally rise and see :
the defeated darker side of me

Yes the word donate was rather cracky so I used eased up instead sounded better.
I changed raise to rise a grammar mistake sorry..
And yess the word circle in the first line is well it doesn't really belong its the only odd side of the poem I think. But I kept it like that because I get a good feeling hearing the words ''circle''
and curtain.

Nywzz i'm off LOL
Greetzzz

Nymore comments peepzz ??

*laughs*...

For some reasons I read it like twice and it didn't seem to flow. Can't say it's forced ...
Nywwz, sheep doesn't get the point....

Just like Writersdomian said, the closing is...very beautiful..
Also very creative to me.

Write on!
*smiles* bleah!