Nature of Love

Come into my fields of love.

Run among my golden crisp ground.
Run among my sapphire river.
Don’t run upon my heart.
My feelings are sole for you.
Bask in my sunlight, my warmth.
Gaze at my silver moon.
Skies overhead freeze the time.

Let your love for me flow,
Let it flow, long, smooth and kindly.
I will do the same for you.

Allow me to pass into your field.
Let me run across your golden plains.
Wade in your vast water pools.
Look upon your harvest-corn sun.
Smile at your cotton-wool moon.
Let me feel the love you have for me.

Let it glow like a nighttime firefly,
A firefly, which will live on and on,
The firefly which will flicker on longer than off.
Let is blossom for an eternity.
Blossom like a calm pink rose.
A striking pink rose without the pain of thorns.

OK, I didn't print this out and tape it to my wall, but i have to say I kind of liked it anyway. It was a bit too mainstream and cliche-ish for me. A lot of people write poems in a similar format, so you're constantly pounded over and over again with the same stuff. 'Ain't no river wide en'uff...' Yeah. You get the picture. Just a question- how do you flicker 'on'? I thought it was only possible to flicker 'on and off'...ah well. Picky me. I think you could get the hang of the whole romance thing if you worked at it a bit, since this was pretty good for a first try. Just needs some pruning, some going over, and it will be perfect.

Wow. This was more cliche than I even imagined. You took some words and arranged them so they were not in a normal order, but when you decompose it down, you had no original imagery in this poem, no original metaphors, just words strung together in awkward phrases to make it seem original. Which, may I dare say, is by far worse than being cliche, because the feeling the reader has after he or she is done quickly fades from memory and soon becomes forgotten. In conclusion, I didn't like this poem. Too sappy, too soppy. And the point is, I just wasn't all that impressed.

Liz i see no probelm with you poetery, but this is the guy that is morbid so my opinion don't matter probably.