Awaken

2 posts
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Gender None specified
Points 300
Reviews 0
Night dawns,
Little is found but silence,
Broken only by the gentle snores.

Curtains are drawn, candles left half burnt
Wheels come to a halt, shadows disappear into deeper darkness still.

Yet I lay,
awaken,
to the sound of music in my memory.



This is my first ever time writing :| please dont go too harsh~ @>_<@ Much appreciated, thank you~ ^ ^




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Gender Female
Points 1147
Reviews 374
awaken shoud be awakened with a 'd.' Other than that, there weren't any grammatical mistakes and the poem had a nice flow, so good job with that! I'm not sure what my opinion is about the last line; it's kind of just there, I don't feel it completely fits with the rest of the poem, though that's my opinion and there's a good chance I'm wrong; I'm sure I've been wrong before. Hope this helped, sorry I didn't have any real critics for you.
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel



“Isn't it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?”
— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables