Sinking

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Like a song that
never ends
it is the mystery
of depths and gore alike.
Of fallen birds and
sunken treasure
and sometimes
broken little wings.

Suffused in anger
longing
love
and desire,
waves crash and
pound against my ears
and into
my heart.

Moonlight shivers above
against the wake of dolphins.
And little beasts
whose lips kiss
fly through streams.

We can
sail though the fog
getting drunken
on the brine.

We can dive
and not ever be afraid
to die

There is
colour in this world,
like a reflection of
old hopes.

In it I will never
fear falling,
for sinking is like
a dream.
.
..
...


Spoiler
A poem I wrote for a Marine Biologist career essay. Thought it would be cool to put it in there...Even if it has nothing to do with the job itself. Tear it apart and please fix the grammar! I wrote this in like 15 minutes. My teacher is so strict it's scary...
Last edited by theLockedLibrary on Sat Nov 12, 2011 7:55 pm, edited 4 times in total.
Reading is the sole means by which we slip,
involuntarily,
often helplessly,
into another's skin,
another's voice,
another's soul.




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Very interesting and thoughtful I liked the flow quite a bit. (I'm sorry, I'm not a great reviewer) I can't think of really anthing to change because it left such a good impression.
I dream by day.




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Gender Female
Points 240
Reviews 28
Like a song that never ends it is the mystery of depths and gore alike.Of fallen birds and sunken treasure and sometimes broken little wings.Suffused in anger and longing and love and desire,waves crash and pound against my ear and into my heart.Moonlight shivers above against the wake of dolphins.And little beasts whose lips kiss fly through streams.We can sail though the fog and get drunkenon the brine.We can dive and not ever be afraid to die There is colour in this world,like a reflection of old hopes.In it I will never fear falling,for sinking is like a dream.......

This was an enjoyment to read yet the way you kept using the word 'and' was a little annoying at times. Yes it did flow in well with this but it didn't at the same time (if that makes sense). Other than that everything was good.

Keep it up!

~G.G (Gamergirl)
"Is the glass half empty? Or half full?"

"Well, if I turn on the tap I can make it full!" ~ me.




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Reviews 171
Okay, so this was adorable :), and also very deep. Honestly, when I first read it the "THIS IS THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS" song got stuck in my head.....Yupp, still there....Anyways, I just had a few thinks I wanted to point out :)

Like a song that
never ends,
it is the mystery
of depths and gore alike.
Of fallen birds and
sunken treasure,
and sometimes
broken little wings.

Suffused in anger
longing
love
This should really only be one line.
and desire.
waves crash and This should be in the line below
pound against my ears
and into
my heart.
This should only be one line.

Moonlight shivers above
against the wake of dolphins.
And little beasts,
whose lips kiss
fly through streams.

We can
sail though the fog, Put this in the line above.
getting drunken drunk** getting and drunken are two different tenses, so I would suggest changing drunken to drunk.
on the brine.

We can dive
and not ever be afraid
to die.

There is
colour in this world,
like a reflection of put this in the line below
old hopes.

In it I will never
fear falling,
for sinking is like
a dream.


I really liked the poem, dispite my nitpicking :). Good job! Don't forget to capitalize the first letter of every line!
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.~Groucho Marx

I have a passion for all things literary, and I love to review the work of others :). PM me with a link and I'd love to review for you too!




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Pretty. I like the ending.
It definitely showed the happiness behind what there is. It reminds me of so many quotes...
But still, the symbolism, the metaphors... they really add feeling to this poem.



The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
— Mark Twain