Christmas morning

Authors note Hi guys! You really ate up my last two poems and so, I'm introducing my newest one! *Clap clap!* Since the holidays were rapidly approaching I decided to do my first poem about Christmas! I love this holiday and you know snow is the best thing to make a poem out of! (not true, ha, best thing to write a poem about is a dream but, I already did that. Plus I have a fetish for snow :})

My eyes flutter open silently as I lay tucked under my blankets

There is no sun lighting my room so, it must be early morning..

It's Christmas morning and there is a blanket of snow quietly laying on the ground

Silence fills the house as I hear my father snore into the room next to mine

I wonder if he is aware as well that it is Christmas morning

My brain races with the idea of the endless sea of presents sitting under the elaborately lit tree

I throw my covers off and they lightly fall the the ground

It is cold in my dim house as I hobble out of bed

The door creaks as I open it and I hope I did not wake father

Snow outside is more illuminated by our porch lights outside the window

Fathers bed creaks and I wonder if he heard my door

He will be very displeased if he were to find out I have woken up this early

I pause for a moment but then continue down the stairs, without a peep

Brushing my hands along the soft velvet stockings along the railing I run into the den

There lie a mountain of presents wrapped and places neatly, like someone took an hour placing each one

I wonder were old saint nick is now, and what he has left for me

There is another creak from my fathers bed and I know he is awake

Panic shocks my mind and I race behind the curtains that easily drape around me

The stairs creak as my Father trudges down the stairs

Oh no! He's making his way over to the presents

His bare feet press hard on the plushy carpeting as he ponders something

I lean in closer to the window and shift so you can no longer see my feet

But father must of seen the curtains move a bit and so he un- wraps me from my hiding spot and he smiles, lets out a little chuckle

"Cindy, why are you hiding in there?" Father asks solemnly

"I thought you would be angry if you knew I was up this early." I whimper looking down, twisting the curtains in between my fingers

He gives me another chuckle and kisses my forehead "How could I expect anything else?"

The curtain drops from my hand and I give him a questioning look

"It means that I knew you would be down here." He kisses the same place on my head

I giggle at my own foolish mistake and wrap my arms around his lanky legs in a desperate attempt at a hug

Father pats my head and places himself on the couch

And then we watch the snow fall lightly to the ground as if it were feathers

Hello there!

First off, I really want to emphasize that what I'm going to write about this piece is just my opinion. Everybody has different preferences, and just because this poem isn't my cup of tea doesn't mean that it's a bad poem. It simply means that it's not my taste, and nothing else than that. That being said, it's time for me to move on to reviewing this piece.

When I saw the title of this piece, I read it hoping that it wouldn't be stereotypical Christmas writing. I wanted to find something different and refreshing, and I can't say that I was satisfied. What you wrote about is something that's been written about before. If you're going to write about something like Christmas that has inspired thousands of other writers, stop and think about how you can bring something new to the table.

The next thing I want to talk about is how you wrote this piece. Personally, I feel that what you wrote would've been better expressed as a short story. I couldn't find enough imagery or metaphors in this to justify it being a poem, but with a few tweaks, it could've been a decent short story.

My eyes flutter open silently as I lay tucked under my blankets

Brushing my hands along the soft velvet stockings along the railing I run into the den

And then we watch the snow fall lightly to the ground as if it were feathers

I selected the parts of this poem that appealed the most to me and placed them in italics above. I have particular reasons for selecting each of them. There are elements to these parts that are very good, and I feel that applying the same concepts you've used in the rest of the poem would better it.

I selected the first excerpt because of the verb 'flutter'. It is one of the most interesting verbs that you used through the entire piece. Using vibrant verbs will make your writing much more interesting.

I selected the second section because it paints a very nice picture in your mind. Also, it has a fresh feeling to it which I greatly appreciate and wish I would've seen more of in the rest of the poem.

Number three was my favorite line of the entire poem. I wanted to let you know that.

I might sound a little bit harsh, but it's how I feel about this piece. Please accept it as only constructive criticism and nothing more. If you've got any other questions, please feel free to ask. Always keep writing!!

-Rose

Now, it's not a bad poem. I like it. The only thing is, it is rather cliche. It has been done before, but at least you've managed to write it quite beautifully. Although this is not a very original poem, it is a well-written one. I like your choice of words and the way it flows. Just try to change it up a bit. Try writing something different. I guarantee you'll get some great feedback for a unique Christmas poem, as there are very few.

This is well written, just a little cliche.

I do love your writing, though.
Keep at it!
-Greena