Another Bullet in my Heart

5 posts
Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 240
Reviews 4
lyrics/poem/thing with no real form but sounds epic when its sung..



Another knife in my hand.
Another bullet in my heart.
And I don’t know where to start,
To tell you about these past few weeks you left me,
High and dry and falling down, into the darkest pits of hell,
And only time will tell if I can pull out of this alive…
Can we make it out alive?

Another blow to my heart!
Another shot to the head!
And I think I’d rather be dead, than here,
Where the night is never clear, and stars don't feel like shining,
So I'm left in the dark, and the cold, and here we go....

Another lost one to join,
The march of the forgotten, the lost and the dead!
Another gun to my head!
Another way to die instead!
Just to get rid of the heart ache…

Tell me, why do we even bother?
Show me, if you really care.
Just throw me, a line to save me now.
But can you save me now?
Or will we all fall down…?




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 1204
Reviews 5
Oh, I would love to hear this put to music! The 'another...' lines are sharp and haunting. "Where the night is never clear, and stars don't feel like shining" is a bit too long for the rhythm-flow, though; if the lines could be broken up, it might be smoother.

Keep writing!




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 897
Reviews 31
Mate, that sounds sick! I listen to songs like that all the time, and this blows away the competition! It had all the major emotions: Anger, Sadness, Madness, all the ingrediants for a gut buster of a song! Get this song on the radio mate! I'll be listening xD




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 471
Reviews 532
Ohhai there, undeadbunnie!

Wow. I like this. I don't usually like this kind of songs, cause I'm one happy hippie hyper bunny, xD *looks at her avvie* but I can't help loving your writing. You put so much emotion into this, and it was so dramatically amazing. Art<3 You managed to be pretty creative and... it's just great. I wouldn't change anything. Keep writing! ^_^

~Solly<3
Noob is a state of being, not a length of time. ~Ego

"Serás del tamaño de tus pensamientos; no te permitas fracasar."




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 15440
Reviews 245
Hello there!!

This is an amazing song! I write songs myself and this is absolutely incredible. I think that it'd sound awesome if you put it to some piano or guitar music...great work!

There is one part of this piece that made me laugh. I don't think that you meant it to, but I'm going to go ahead and explain why. Have you ever seen the movie 'Nacho Libre' starring Jack Black? It's an insanely stupid movie about a wrestler. At one point in the movie, he explains about how 'a punch to the face' or 'a punch to the head' feels good, and your poem reminded me of it.

Another blow to my heart!
Another shot to the head!


I'm sorry that I'm laughing, but it just makes me laugh! Every time I read this, I keep picturing Jack Black's moustached face saying the lines from the movie. I'm wierd, I know. Oh well. That's just how I am!

In all seriousness, though, I absolutely love this, and would love to hear it set to music. Amazing work. I can't wait to read more from you!

Happy writing!!

-Rose
“...it's better to feel the ache inside me like demons scratching at my heart than it is to feel numb the way a dead body feels when you touch it."

-Brian James



Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known.
— Chuck Palahniuk