Happy Brithday YWS!

I didn't think I was going to enter anything for the competition, but then I just had to! Hope you like it!

We’ve been around for seven years,
Growing larger every day.
We’ve been around for seven years,
And forever more we’ll stay.

There’s no limit on learning,
For that’s why we’re here.
Learning and teaching,
For seven whole years.

A community together,
To support and critique.
To write and review,
And make strong the weak.

Where everyone learns,
But there are no tests.
Where everyone’s friends,
That’s YWS.

Pictures and stories
And poems and songs,
Where everyone matters,
And everyone belongs.


So yeah, we’ve been here seven years,
And not a second less!
All there is left to say, is
Happy birthday YWS!

We’ve been around for seven years,
Growing larger every day.
We’ve been around for seven years,
And forever more we’ll stay.

There’s no limit on learning,
For that’s why we’re here.
Learning and teaching,
For seven whole years. I felt like all of these were just a syllable or two too short.

A community together,
To support and critique.
To write and review,
And make strong the weak.

Where everyone learns,
But there are no tests.
Where everyone’s friends,
That’s YWS. This stanza there were too few syllables also, but I still like it.

Pictures and stories
And poems and songs,
Where everyone matters,
And everyone belongs.


So yeah, we’ve been here seven years,
And not a second less!
All there is left to say, is
Happy birthday YWS!

This is cool! There are a couple places where the rhythm didn't really work but that's really the only correction I found.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Hey!

I found your poem very In.Ter.Rest.Ing xD
And fun to read. It was like I was singing a song.

La La La La La La La,
La La La La La La La,

Lol! xP

Okay, back to writing.
You're poem was cool but I guess there are some parts to clear.

wewinwelose wrote:We’ve been around for seven years,
growing larger every day.
We’ve been around for seven years,
and forever more we’ll stay. - I liked the repetition of "We've been around for seven years,". It was good.

There’s no limit on learning,
for that’s why we’re here.
Learning and teaching,
for seven whole years.

Okay. First of all. My friend told me that, when you write a poem and the line that ends with a comma (","), you actually don't have to start the next line with a Capital Letter. I guess we all are doing that so, it looks better? xP But anyway, that's not correct so, just helping.

Second, I thought you were repeating the number " seven (7)" a lot. If you look at the two stazas above, you'll notice. If the poem had the number seven in all the stanzas, it could have been good. ^.^

[quote"wewinwelose"]
A community together,
to support and critique.
To write and review,
and make strong the weak.

Where everyone learns,
but there are no tests.
Where everyone’s friends, -This line sounded like its not complete.
that’s YWS.
[/quote]

I liked these two stanzas very much. Good job. And it made me kind of... you know. It was fun to read it. xDD

wewinwelose wrote:Pictures and stories
And poems and songs.
Where everyone matters,
and everyone belongs.

(Such a loongg spacee...)
So yeah, we’ve been here for seven years,
and not a second less!
All there is left to say, is
Happy birthday YWS!

Awesome! I liked the poem a lot! ^.^
Me loves it Most! <3

Overall: This was amazing! The poem showed a good,loving and fun attitude towards YWS's Birthday! x) I'll give this a 8/10.

Cheers,
Cookie _V_