Talking to myself

I was going through my documents today and found this, I haven't seen it in forever....I thought I'd scrapped it because I thought it was so awful, but looking at it again it has a tiny bit of potential. Anyone have any ideas on how I could make this not as crappy before I scrap it? Thanks .


I feel like I’m talking to myself
I want nothing but to teach.
But I know I’m talking to myself,
Because you want not to believe.

You do not understand,
You can’t learn without desire.
And I can’t force upon you
My own burning fire.

I’ve tried to make you see;
Tried to make you just like me,
But I can’t make you believe,
What you cannot conceive.

So I just have to understand
That not everyone will be like me,
I can’t teach you everything,
No matter how much I preach…

But I will continue talking to myself
Just in case you change your mind
Just in case you feel the desire,
That’s only for you to find.

Hi there wewinwelose!

I'll review your piece, without thinking this was not written recently. I guess you post your things to ask for suggestions, right?

I can't really locate the beauty in it. Except for the last stanza (which is lovely), the poem looked all like a letter or a speech, it doesn't have the spark that makes a poem art. I think that adding perhaps a metaphor or a simile would make this improve a lot. Take your time when writing poems, breathe, and let your words and ideas fly around your imagination. That'd make the reader admit that you, my friend, are indeed a great writer. Good job!

~Solly<3

There were a couple little things here and there that just kind of threw me off a little bit. Here and there, things don't quite rhyme or flow or fit together, and I feel like this was lacking. Maybe Gee hit the nail on the head by saying that it was missing what makes poem "art," that spark of whatever-it-is that makes us feel what we feel. It is missing a little emotional depth, and I think finding that will really help.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Hi. I think this is fantastic. It really puts into words that infuriating feeling of trying to teach but not being listened to and it does that very well. I agree with GeeLyria that I can't find the beauty in it but I don't think it needs beauty it is great how it is. I'll go into a bit more detail now.

I feel like I’m talking to myself
I want nothing but to teach.
But I know I’m talking to myself,
Because you want not to believe. I love this stanza. I think you should make "know" stand out a bit with italics or something.

You do not understand,
You can’t learn without desire.
And I can’t force upon you
My own burning fire. The last two lines of this stanza are gold.

I’ve tried to make you see;
Tried to make you just like me,
But I can’t make you believe,
What you cannot conceive. The rhyming scheme is messed up in this line which is a bit wierd.

So I just have to understand
That not everyone will be like me,
I can’t teach you everything,
No matter how much I preach…

But I will continue talking to myself
Just in case you change your mind
Just in case you feel the desire,
That’s only for you to find. Last stanza is beautiful

To be honest I don't think the partial rhyming scheme you have going is of any benefit to the poem. But other than that I think this is great. Keep writing!
Pollarbear out... lol

It's is really well written but, like the other reviewers, I didn't really connect with it until the final stanza. You definitely shouldn't scrap it though, maybe just add some more emotion into it somehow.

PS. Please don't change the last stanza at all! It's amazing how it is

I really like this. A lot. I was drawn in from the title. I thought it sounded like something I would do. lol. But I like the message of the poem as well. How you can't force what you believe on another person, no matter how much you want them to feel the same. It's so true, and i bet a lot of people relate to that situation. So kudos to you on this poem! I hope to read more form you, keep up the amazing work

~AngelMarie~