Saying Goodbye to this world...

This poem came from inspiration that I had after watching the outsider's movie. I think this is how Johnny felt before he died.

And no, it's not about someone killing themself.
And yes, it's about a girl.


Saying Goodbye to this World...

The cool feeling trickles down her hand,
Soothing the fire burning across her skin.
She wants to do it again,
to banish the fire from in her heart.
Drenched in scarlet.

Her eyes are closed,
the fire flickering behind her heavy lids.

She wants to sleep.
Let even breath smooth the scars of the day.
She can't seem to stop,
her pain is to intense.

She bites her lip to keep from screaming,
Tries not to see the world passing by.

Saying Goodbye to this world...

I liked this poem a a lot I got a very clear image.I'm not going to give you points on the grammer because Imyself am not so good.i liked the last three lines very much has a lot of mean this poem. I say you keep writing you have some good work here . keep it up.

Hi there. I am a little rusty on my review skills, but I'll try to make this worthwhile.

I read The Outsiders back when I was in 7th grade and don't remember it all that well, so I am going to comment on grammer more then content.

Key
Red --> optional edits
Blue --> my general comments

SparkOfDoubt wrote:Saying Goodbye to this World...

The cool feeling trickles down her hand,
Soothing the fire burning across her skin.
She wants to do it again,
to banish the fire from in her heart.
Drenched in scarlet.
-->I loved this stanza! Very strong start!

Her eyes are closed,
the fire flickering behind her heavy lids.

She wants to sleep.
Let her even breaths smooth the scars of the day. -->add "her" after "let" and add an "s" at the end of "breath"
She can't seem to stop,
her pain is to intense.
-->I seem to struggle the most with this stanza...I'm not exactly sure why, but something seems jumpy. Maybe it just needs some more added to it?

She bites her lip to keep from screaming,
Tries not to see the world passing by. -->You use "world" in the next line, so try to find a different word that you could use in this line. It just seems a little redundant, especially because the word "world" is so important in the next line. See how being redundant can be a little extreme

Saying Goodbye to this world...

All in all this was very well written. I'm glad you described the images more then just telling what was happening! Nice job, keep writing!

-Jessa