I'm Done With You

There you are,
caught in a predicament.
I don't find this bizarre,
especially since I was in it.

There you are,
spinning your web of lies.
I thought you knew better,
but obviously not.

It was inevitable;
a fly caught in your own trap.

Your words betray your feelings.
The face I look at is now transparent
from all the lies you led me to believe
about who you weren't.

You know this is going to end terrible,
yet you're running this on a track in many laps.
No matter how much you run, you'll never get faster.
You'll never change the outcome.
You'll still be a liar, a deceiver, and make everyone around you believers
of your deception.
But if anything kills me,
it's that you're aware of doing this.

Apologize?
Ha! -Stop lying to yourself and everyone else!
When will you learn
that you're not fooling anyone
even your own self?

You used to be my world.
I used to care about you.
What a mistake I realized that was.
You're nothing but a joke now;
a mere memory in the back of my mind.

I despise you.

Hi there Artsy.

Wow. Honestly, I love it. This is the best hate poem I've read. O.O You expressed so well what you feel, the emotion in it is priceless, I could imagine you talking as if it were a movie, as if I was... the person you're talking to. >.< But I'd rather think it's a movie, of course. Hahah xD Sweet! Well written, honestly, amazing.

Just one thing:

artsy wrote:So there you are,
caught in a predicament.
I don't find this bizarre,
especially since I was in it.

I'd take of the "So", it'd make it a more powerful open. You know, like when an orchestra starts playing a really beautiful melody and you feel like there's no gravity and your body's floating on the air? Uh... eh... that made me sound nuts! But well, yeah. You get it. xD

~Solly<3

Hello there ,

first of all thank you for writing this poem! ;3
Now ... I love the deepness of this poem .. you can really empathise with the character.

sianiiee

Hello there, my name is Flow and I will be your reviewer for the evening. I'm going to start off by saying, I really don't like hate poems. I will admit I probably write them more than most people but they are very hard to get correct. In order to write a proper hate poem you have to use things people have never used before. This is very hard to accomplish because there are so many writers and very few new ideas. People just take their feeling and splatter them on a page with no real direction and for no purpose but to vent, I know I've been there. With that said I shall continue on to my review.

The first stanza doesn't really tell us anything. You start out by saying there you are, we don't know who you is and that is something we need to know. You leave us in the dark and we know that you know who it is but we have no idea. You also go onto say that it doesn't surprise you that he is in this situation but give us no reason for you to believe this way. You want to tell us previous things he has done for you to feel this way. I don't think you need the italics in the last line, you only want to use them for something really powerful. This line does have meaning but it would mean so much more with some strong descriptions or metaphors.

Ah, the old web of lies line... I really like that you have gotten into some kind of metaphor here but this one is overused. I would suggest doing something crazy to it to make it something new and exciting. Also why did you think he knew better?

I'm not quite sure why you said your own trap, it sounds very awkward. We know who's trap it was because of the previous stanza. You words betray your feeling could be taken so many ways here. It could mean he really did feel something but then you go on to say that you can see through his face. I like this line but his face isn't really the lies so it kinds confuses me. I don't really like the last line but I'm not sure how to change it and it sounds weird without it..maybe I shouldn't have said that since I couldn't help..ha..

I like that you have some emotion in this stanza, I think the second line is awkward and that you need description but good on the emotion I don't know why you made this stanza longer than the others though.

This stanza was completly random and very ranty, we know he will be lying so why question it? The stanza after that was very ranty as well, I'm not quite comfortable with it.

I like how you ended it with just that one hanging word, but I really doubt you feel this way that you just forgot if you writing this about him. I could be wrong though I tend to be ha.

Anyway there is my advice to you for the evening, please ignore any of my grammatical ignorance and if you need me shoot a message at me..

Flow

Holy poem! Your despise for that person or thing is very strong, and the way you dispribe it I'd despise whatever it is, too. You write very strongly, and you also do the same with the emotion in this poem. I hope you enjoy your writing, because you should always enjoy what you apparently do best, in your case, poetry. I hope you keep on writing, because I'm eager to read more poems from you. Keep on writing!

Hey there I am going to be your reviewer from here on.
Well to begin with, I admire your work because it really shows your hatred towards one. But, things could've gone better according to my perspective if -
You are trying too hard to use good vocab - Your first para showed so, which is wrong. Because you are supposed to use good vocab with the flow

There you are,
caught in a predicament.
I don't find this bizarre,
especially since I was in it.


You know this is going to end terrible,
yet you're running this on a track in many laps. <<<<< Perhaps you wanted to include "like" before "running". Even so, this line can be written in other forms or perhaps not written at all
No matter how many you run, you'll never get faster. <<<< No matter how MUCH you run
You'll never change the outcome.
You'll still be a liar, a deceiver, and make everyone around you believers <<< no coma after "deceiver". Transfer from "and" to the next para and end it with "deception"
of your deception.
But if anything kills me,
it's that you're aware of doing this. << Good job


The rest seemed alright to me and overall, it's a really good piece! Keep writing