Forever and a Day and a Half

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1622
Reviews 25
Each day will pass,
Like an eternity of
Not seeing your face
Not hearing your voice
Not making you laugh,
But I’ll be content
In knowing you’ll love me
Forever
And
A day
And
A half.
All I that know is that I know nothing
-Socrates


Want Hathor's review? Write a note on my wall. Simple as that.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1764
Reviews 84
I really enjoyed this poem. I'm not sure if you meant to rhyme, but it was subtle (I didn't even notice it the first time I read it). I actually wanted it to be longer. I thought you could elaborate on why the relationship isn't able to continue. Also, I'd suggest you add a descriptive word in this section:
"Not seeing your face
Not hearing your voice
Not making you laugh,"

(for example:
Not seeing your angel face,
Not hearing your resonant voice,
Not making you laugh --- something like that would give us a better picture)

I loved the title. Always keep writing!
Life is not about how you sing in the sun, it is about how you dance in the rain.




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 4257
Reviews 78
Title of the poem is unique and i like that.
Forever and a Day and a Half

Each day will pass,
Like an eternity of
Not seeing your face
Not hearing your voice,
Not making you laugh,
But I’ll be content
In knowing you’ll love me
Forever,
And
A day,
And
A half.


There were several commas missing and you might want to reconsider using the word of. otherwise an great sounding poem.
Davantageous




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 300
Reviews 0
This is pretty.
The flow is good, and it's a nice thought.



I want to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.
— Pablo Neruda