Eternal Night

Hello everyone,
First of all thank you for taking some time out of your busy days to read my poem.
It is pretty much self explanatory but if you have any troubles don't hesitate to ask!
Lorna
Xxx

I walk on ,
Into the night

I feel no cold,
I feel no fright

I sit down,
By an old tree

I don't blame you,
I just blame me

A memory,
I now spy

You heard me scream,
You saw me die

I walk on,
Into the night

I feel no cold,
I feel no fright,

Because I am trapped in eternal night ...

Hi Lorna!

This is a brilliant piece! to have less than 4 words in almost all the lines and to make those lines make sense is quite a task. Yet, you've done it with such seemingly ease. The story that the persona tells about her death and the guilt she tries to put on the accused is very well portrayed. You've succeeded at creating this eerie atmosphere with a haunting after-effect.

Honestly, I find myself inspired (not to be roaming around aimlessly in the dark of couse, lol, but you get the point). I have no qualms on the writing since I really feel that this piece is perfect the way it is. I'm fan of poems which have the same last line and title because it leaves such an impact to the reader when the last line is read.

All-in-all, with this being only your second post, I'm very impressed. Your potential can carry you anywhere with your words and I highly advise you to keep at it! Great job once again and keep the ink flowing!

Murtuza

LORNA! <3

Hi again. :') Cookie's here.
Okay, so I must say this poem was... was... BEYOND AWESOME!
You really impressed me this time, Lorny. xx

I think the very last line. Which is:

Lornydoo wrote:Because I am trapped in eternal night ...

Should have been this way:

Beacause I am trapped,
in Eternal Night...

So, that you could keep up with number of lines in the stanza.
Other than that, BRILLIANT POEM! ^^

MeHeartsIt. xDD

--
Cookie 8D

Wow! I really enjoyed reading this! ^^ it was sooo cool! Good Job. *thumbs up*

Wow. This is a great piece. It's small but with so much meaning packed into it! Keep writing Lorny! xD

Very impressive piece, especially since there are so little words and verses in each stanza. Love the rhyme scheme.

Made one grammar mistake...

I feel no cold,
I fell feel no fright

Fell should be feel. Be sure to proofread; this is a simple mistake that can be fixed with a double take glance.

I sit down,
By an old tree

I don't blame you,
I just blame me

Seems this rhyme is a bit forced. And it's a little sudden; add another verse or stanza saying how the speaker's thoughts think about the blame, then it goes onto the memory, etc. It flows better.

You heard me scream,
You saw me die

I walk on,
Into the night

I feel no cold,
I feel no fright,

Because I am trapped in eternal night ...

It was here that I had the imagery of a ghost walking through the night with the memory of a loved one watching as she died. Brilliant imagery and I liked the simple vocabulary.

One thing that I appreciated was the uniform way the stanzas were written. If a poem is well written AND in a uniformed format, then you have yourself a gift my friend. :] I really have nothing else to say except great work! I'll look for more work from you in the future, especially considering this is your second post. Congratulations and keep writing!

Hope this helped. :]

Hey Lorna Your BestFriend Sian Here Hehe <3
I Would Just Like To Say You Have A Unique Talent For Writing And Think You Will Go Far,
I Love Your Use Of
. Descriptive Words
.Catchy Lines
And Your Use Of Formative Poetry
Congrats And Carry On Your Success Of Writing

Sianniiee xox