To Alex

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1931
Reviews 52
Spoiler
To Alex. I'll never forget what you told me. Love you, always.


'I'll laugh, pick you up, know that I am there to guide you.
When you're lost, call my name, and I'll be there to find you.
When you cry, I'll hear, and I'll be there to lean on.'
I remember when you told me, 'Sister, dream on.'
"For whether a place is a hell or a heaven rests in yourself, and those who go with courage and an open mind may find themselves in Paradise." - Eva Ibbotson (Journey to the River Sea)




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 4257
Reviews 78
I guess this is a one verse poem, so there is not much to talk about here. Although somewhat catchy, a suggested revision would include more lines, less contractions and more emphatic words. I am a poet and will always be forever reading and writing it.
Also do not be discouraged when I did not find the poem to be all that interesting, but continue despite my comment.
Davantageous




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 816
Reviews 65
This really sounds like lyrics to a song, more than a poem. Although that could be the rhyming. Do you read music? Have you considered writing music? Because you would make a great lyricist!

I like the rhythm a lot, especially in the last line. Maybe you could try writing more for this? That is, unless you want to leave it as it is, I understand sometimes not wanting to expand on things because they're done, the idea is done. But, if you don't feel strongly about it maybe you could try making it longer?



someone hide fried pickles in my tree
— Iggy