If A Thought Is Worth A Penny...

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If a thought is worth a penny,
Then why are the numbers many?
The poor and ill-hearted,
Those waiting to be departed.
Those whose lives they’ve turned away.
Even the children do not play.
All of them work.
But in the shadows it does lurk.
The truth of what they cannot bear.
That without hope they are nowhere.
But life may just go on.
If a heartstring plays,
And a single soul prays,
A change will occur.
Only the darkness it will deter.
For the light of one soul,
Can be the spark to the coal.
With a little faith and a little hope,
The entire world may at least cope.
"At this very instant, I augment the spacetime that permeates and weaves our beings."




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I read it.

See what I did there?

Anyway, I thought your use of periods was a bit of a cheap tactic. The reason? Well, as I went about the poem, rhyme after minced meaning after another, I thought to myself, Wow, really good flow.

But then I realized the periods adding visual weight to each line.

Anyway, good abstractions made here- awesome abstractions! I felt like each line was an idea and a camera angle all at once. Even after re-reading it, it was still loaded with meanings.

The rhyming was a little much. No other flaws.

Keep writing!




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Points 4257
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Wow, where do i begin? This poem is amazingly well written and contains an enormous amount of talent. You, are the next big thing in poetry. I might even be less amazing than your talent. There is really no need for a review, but I will do one anyway.
If a thought is worth a penny,
Then why are the numbers many?
The poor and ill-hearted,
Those waiting to be departed. Might want to reconsider the last word "departed"
Those whose lives they’ve turned away.
Even the children do not play.
All of them work.
But in the shadows it does lurk.
The truth of what they cannot bear.
That without hope they are nowhere.
But life may just go on.
If a heart-string plays a song,
And a single soul prays,
to the God of old days
i added this part

A change will occur.
Only the darkness it will deter.
For the light of one soul,
Can be the spark to the coal.
Or the game winning goal

With a little faith and a little hope,
The entire world may at least cope.


I LOVE THIS POEM!!!!!!
Davantageous




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Points 973
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Thats an AWESOME poem
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Reviews 30
If a thought is worth a penny,
Then why are the numbers many?
The poor and ill-hearted,
Those waiting to be departed. (I love the rhytme of this line)
Those whose lives they’ve turned away.
Even the children do not play.
All of them work.
But in the shadows it does lurk.
The truth of what they cannot bear.
That without hope they are nowhere.
But life may just go on.
If a heartstring plays,
And a single soul prays,
A change will occur.
Only the darkness it will deter.
(I love these two lines, they have amazing rhytme and are so beautiful)
For the light of one soul,
Can be the spark to the coal.
With a little faith and a little hope,
The entire world may at least cope.
/I love these lines too)


I really, really love this poem! It is so beautiful and metaphorical!

Really, really beautiful! And keep writing! :D
Be the change you wish to see in the world.
- Gandhi




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Gender Female
Points 3175
Reviews 141
This is deep, man.
Oh, I wish I was punk-rocker with flowers in my hair.




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Gender Female
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I love this poem!!!

Its soooo deep , descriptive and full of very powerful emotions.

Well Done!

Keep on writing.

Lorna
Xxx
I Believe That A Writers Life Is Much More Exciting Then Anyone Else's! xx



Maybe we're all just complex human beings with skewed perceptions of each other.
— Ventomology