Flowers.

Have you ever wanted to kill someone?
I have.
She’s blonde. Freckles, mid thirties.
Long hair, manicured nails.

Born in a fishing town, poor.
Tried to clean herself up, but still muddy.
Nice smile for the neighbours,
now she’s a city girl. Brought from trash to more trash.
Can’t see it though.
Thinks she’s made it big. Stupid girl.

Nice house, off white. Flower pots, lot’s of colours.
Distracting. Fresh grass. “Lovely isn’t it.”

Be nice to trod on them. Cut the petals right out. Rip the roots from the bottom.
Quite vicious I suppose.
She deserves it though.

I’d see her ran over by a truck and blink.
What a sight.
My mother. Her head flattened into the road.

I really like how this poem uses very little to say a lot. You cab see a whole story it the few things the arrator says about himself, and the way he talks about his mother.

You know, this is the second poem I have read about your want to kill your mother, and quite frankly, I'm going to try to pretend that this isn't about someone personal and try to simply grasp the emotion about it rather than the actuality of it. I suppose poetry is something personal, but as someone who has never experienced this kind of... emotion towards my own mother, I should be biased to give you an opinion on the entirety of it.

In any case, this is a review so I shouldn't dwell too much on the reason behind it. Merely the piece in which you created, so lets get this show on the road.

Now the problem I had with this definitely lies under structure. Its a bunch of fragmented sentences thrown together precariously to create some form of dramatic effect without really using any technique. The enjambment is far too strong for my tastes whilst the vocabulary is weak at best. That being said, what do we really get from this? A point. A purpose. A reason. You want to convey something and that's perfectly verifiable. The problem with purpose, though, is that without real strong imagery or metaphor and a great way with sculpting words, your 'purpose' might better be suited for a short story or a work of prose.

So what I want you to do is think not about fragmenting this up so much. That many jagged drops really is not very nice on the flow of this poem, and the way in which its so straightforward does not compliment the idea at all. In fact, your original poem about the subject matter seemed to be ten times stronger simply because you had a connecting metaphor. An allegory, if you will. There was reason but there was also subtlety.

Make this flow. Give it real, strong metaphor. A way to explain without having to state it. That's the beauty of poetry, really. The way in which we can find beauty in the happiest and saddest of times. Beauty in the bland, comfortable zone. Beauty in everything because our words are sharp, necessary tools. Tools in which need to be used with utmost individuality and a quick wit. I can tell you this now. Poetry is not for everyone.

That being said, you have the passion. Its visible there, whether or not the poem is expelling rather horrific mental images. As long as that passion lives, its merely perfecting that will come later. Hone your craft.

~Walker

Thanks for your review
I really appreciate it, just one thing that I want to try and get across about the poem, if that's OK, haha, I do agree with what you are saying, if you look at the poem initially as a compilation of words, it is going to look a little simple. But if you don't ignore the message and reason behind the poem, then perhaps it would make little more sense as to why I chose to use that type of language?

I think that the dramatic message behind the poem is a little overbaring, so instead of overwhelming the audience with frilly vocab, decided to dim it down a little, into something sharper and easier to grasp.
The structure of this poem was intentional and flows, in my opinion, rather well. The subject is, after all, quite choppy, and if read aloud, certainly projects a clear image. One who talks of something so vicious, would not do so with a steady flow, as you are implying.

A poem is nothing if you try to keep the words used to make it flat on the page, remember that you must always allow the words to do what they were used for, create a message, a story, and in this case: Help kill my Mother.
Perhaps that is where the problem lies? In your unwillingness to accept this poem for what it is.

But as you said, it may just not be to your taste
Thanks again!

This was very blunt. Now, there's nothing wrong with blunt, and I can appreciate and/or enjoy it, and goodness knows I tend to employ it heavily myself since it makes for an excellent bludgeon to break through stubbornness, but this piece was blunt to the point of being overbearing, especially the first stanza. Once the piece got going in the second stanza, it seemed to settle into a rhythm of bluntness, if that makes sense, but that first stanza... If I could put my finger on why it feels off, I would. I think it's that the first two lines feel so conversational, and they don't match up tone-wise with the rest of the poem, which is a bit more description-oriented.

Also, in this line:

I’d see her ran over by a truck and blink.

I believe you've used the wrong tense. "Run" makes more sense and reads better.