London Bridge

Spoiler

Just a little thing I wrote a while back. Only thing I'll ask is please don't say anything about the capitals; that's how this was written, and it's really the only thing I'm going to be super reluctant about changing.

i'm crumbling at the edges
falling inwards
collapsing -
london bridge is falling down
and no one's there to save it

I love the last two lines, taking an old happy-tuned song and putting a really sad twist on to it. I think if you had made it any longer, it would have lost all of its meaning. The last two lines do it for me. Nice to read, interesting, glad you wrote it.
-Anna

Liked this quite a lot, for what it is. It's short and simple and it has a kind of echo-effect on my mind, allowing me to over-analyse the message you're trying to say.

To me, you're talking about the fall of society and the lack of any righteous force available to take action. Which, really, is a fascinating thought in the times we live in.

A great piece, keep up the good work.