The Choice

Hi guys. This a poem I wrote a while ago and It needs work. I love a few of the lines but some of the others are not so good but I cannot think of better alternatives. I especially hate the second part of the last line. If you could give me some ideas or just point out the bits you think really need work then that would be great. Thanks.

The Choice
Is there anybody out there, who’ll hear my urgent words,
Of a foolish species’ failure, to make a better world?
Does anybody realise, the crimes they’ve helped be done,
The bruise they’ll leave behind, when the human race is run,
Many try to leave a mark, but only leave a dent,
Many go in search of riches, but favor gold instead,

Do you ever look around, feel the pain of pointless wars,
See nature crippled all around us, feel karma shake us to our core,
People hurt our greatest mother, because they cannot see,
That wealth does not compare, to a forest’s wealth of trees,
All I ask is contemplation, from people young and old,
Do you want the Earth? or do you want the gold?

*Applause*

now that that's out of the way,

The Choice
Is there anybody out there, who’ll hear my urgent words,
Of a foolish species’ failure, to make a better world?
Does anybody realize, the crimes they’ve helped be done,
The bruise they’ll leave behind, when the human race is run,
Many try to leave a mark, but only leave a dent,
Many go in search of riches, but favor gold instead; just my personal preference I love semicolons think one would be good here

Do you ever look around; semicolonitus feel the pain of pointless wars,
See nature crippled all around us, feel karma shake us to our core, great line
People hurt our greatest mother, because they cannot see remove comma
That wealth does not compare, to a forest’s wealth of trees;
All I ask is contemplation, from people young and old:
Do you want the Earth? or do you just want the gold?

When you do the rhythm break in the line, I think you should consider just doing the slash as if it was a song.
E.g.: That wealth does not compare/to a forest's wealth of trees

Oh, this is just my opinion. Great poem. Only you can decide what's best for your poem and how you want it to sound/feel, so if some of these suggestions are off, don't take them too seriously since I'm not a pro here.

Thanks remember20 for your feedback. I agree with all of your sugestions so thanks for the help and the positive feedback. It's great for my poetry-writing confidence. By the way, here in Australia we spell "realise" with an S. Anyway thanks.

Is there anybody out there, who’ll hear my urgent words, Don't need either of these commas
Of a foolish species’ failure, to make a better world?
Does anybody realize, the crimes they’ve helped be done,
The bruise they’ll leave behind, when the human race is run,
Many try to leave a mark, but only leave a dent,
Many go in search of riches, but favor gold instead,

Do you ever look around, feel the pain of pointless wars,
See nature crippled all around us, feel karma shake us toour core,
People hurt our greatest mother, because they cannot see, No comma needed at the end
That wealth does not compare, to a forest’s wealth of trees,
All I ask is contemplation, from people young and old,
Do you want the Earth? or do you want the gold?

These are just a couple of suggestions from my perspective, but obviously it's your poem and it should just make sense to you. Overall I really like the message and there were some good lines here, so it was nice.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

I want the Gold, first of all. Second the poem was decent, but it needs a bit more elaboration. I believe poems that deal with the earth, greed, and our destruction deserve a little more depth and length. I can see an extended version of this poem in my mind, and would be happy to help you on it, just PM me.