Destroyed

Howdy there!

I've just got to say, first of all, that I really liked the poem, and the content is good.

Just a few nitpicks though.

In my opinion it doesn't exactly make sense. I think it would make more sense if you get rid of the first comma - the one after crying, therefore it will be use of enjambment, which will help the flow of the piece. Secondly, I think you intended for after the word 'time' to be a full stop. If you didn't I would put that there anyway. This stops there from being a random capital letter shoved in, and it separates the poem out a little.

Heart broken again still crying,
from the first time, Shutting myself down completely,

I like the use of the capital letters for No one as the use of emphasis.

and not talking to NO one,

This line doesn't make sense, I think you mean, he just doesn't understand.

but can't because he just dont understand,

No capital letter is needed for the word destroyed.

how I truly feel about him, I'm so Destroyed,

Overall this is very good, it just needs a little bit of tweaking

The poem had a great deal of emotion which was great.But here is some constructive criticism you might want to explain more of whats going.It was good but I know you can do much better.

Thanks I fixed it I hope it sounds better.

Hmm... interesting poem. I think its really good... but there I two really tiny things I would change. At one point you put:

jolene15 wrote:and not talking to NO one,

Putting that in capitals puts more emphasis on the word and ruins the smooth rhythm you had flowing there. And the other one that I noticed was also really tiny:

jolene15 wrote:I bet no one can put back together.

I think you should put 'I know no one can put back together.' I know this isn't very important but right now it sounds like she has a faint amount of hope and I think you are trying to say there is no hope at all. But apart from that it is an awesome poem! I love smiley at the end!

thank you

this was very emotional and sad, good job. I think it lacks some description and detail, right now it's more just raw emotion. But I like it, you said everything you had to say. For this poem, it's fine to just have emotion, but in the future you should add more detail and well, just more.