Hi again, haha. I loved how this was very contrast. Showing both the light and the dark and it makes you wonder what could look like that, until you see that you don't know what it looks like... if that makes sence. Anyway I wish it were longer, unlike your Soldier Lullaby one, this one I felt could have been a bit longer and more detailed. Though it was great how it was, I felt it was a little lacking. 4 owls out of 5.
Owl is totally right, and I also like the contrast. If you are still writing more of this, thats cool, but if its finished, that's just WAY too short. Keep writing!
Like a dragon, I'll spread my wings and fly. Fly far away from this hatred planet and fly somewhere deep, where I shall be alone. My imagination is paradise.
You have a knack for writing very (very) short poetry. I like it.
This isn't nearly as strong as the last work of yours I read. It still conveys a message, it is still light and fun, but the words don't hold a great deal of consequence. The only thing that is truly poetic about this is the line:
very dark, very light
I don't know. It's hard to really draw to many criticisms from such a short piece. I think you did well with limited words but could still make it a touch stronger. I understand the appeal of writing such short poetry, but do write more (words.)
I like it, because how could the narrator know what they look like if they've never seen this person's face? I like the simplicity of it, but it's so short it doesn't have the feel of a poem. The idea's really cool, wished you'd written more. -Anna
"For whether a place is a hell or a heaven rests in yourself, and those who go with courage and an open mind may find themselves in Paradise." - Eva Ibbotson (Journey to the River Sea)
Since you reviewed one of my poems, I'm going to review one of yours! Since yours was so in-depth, I'm going to make this concise. There's not much to review, though, so that makes sense.
First, I'm not sure how the use of "very" adds anything to the poem. I've always believed and been taught by many people that the use of the word comes across as juvenile and immature. Your poem is extremely simplistic, so I can see how you would think the use of small and somewhat uninteresting words would work. Lastly, since the poem is so compact and small, the simplistic approach, for me, isn't working. I feel like it's not memorable and somewhat short-winded. This could, again be fixed like replacing words like "very" and "pretty" for more elegant wording, but that's just me. I'm wordy. However, I've looked through many of your other poems and they're just darling.
All in all, a nice poem.
An unknown person once said, "I really have nothing to put for my signature."
You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better. — Anne Lamott
