Alright, so, I like this. It's a good start. My problem is that it's too repetitive, and I can't relate the these lyrics at all. Go into more of a background, make it more of a story, just set to music. Make sure to put the emotion in there, so the listener and reader can relate.
If I’m a metal you’re my alloy
You used this. I found it didn't fit your lyrics, and was put it sort of randomly. Yes, you want to make similes and metaphors. but make sure they fit the lyrics you're writing. That's the hard part, trying to link metaphors to what you're writing.
Keep playing. That's the fun with song writing
~WickedWonder
'We will never believe again, kick drum beating in my chest again, oh, we will never believe in anything again, preach electric to a microphone stand.'
Some people are hourglass shaped, some people are apple shaped, some people are pear shaped, some people are even bean pole shaped, but if we’re not careful we all become banana shaped. This is your gentle posture reminder. — Ranger
