Black and Grey

Leave me hanging, gasping for breath
Leave me hanging over my death
Leave me falling as you walk away
I've fallen through, to black, to grey

You've left me with my broken heart
Two pieces, miles apart
Leave me in my pool of dispair
As I try to grab the empty air

It's gone, you've gone, my sorce of light
You've clipped my wings, stolen my flight
I try to fly and I'm falling through
To black, to grey, my love, my true

Sew back together pieces that broke
Steal me, take me, in a haze of smoke
Pick me up then throw me away
Then all I'll see is black and grey

You'll find me again, you'll shout my name
You know I'm yours, yours to claim
Steal the words from off my lips
The sun, the moon, they're under eclipse

Break me, change me, leave me with nothing
Steal me, take me, my bones are crushing
Fix me, heal me, then throw me away
Then all I am is black and grey

Wow this poem was completel amazingy! I have been in the same place that you are in, so i got a complete sense of what you are going throught, which I love so much! I love reading poems that i have a connection to, but anyway back to you. This poem is beautiful other than the one mistake i found....i think.

It's gone, you've gone, my sorce of light
You've clipped my wings, stolen my flight
I try to fly and I'm falling through
To black, to grey, my love, my true

I think you may have spelt SOURCE wrong, but again amazing poem!

Hey there again!

I like this poem, too - it's got a very distinct feel to it. I won't go into the few mistakes I've found, but I am here for what will hopefully be a thorough review.

Stanza by stanza: in the first - I love this. I love your use of commas in the first and last lines, I love the general message. What I might add is that instead of saying "as you walk away", you could say "leave me falling - you walk away" for a harsher effect, but that's probably just me and my "dashing" way of doing things.

The second - Despair is spelt with an E, sweetie. Also, if you potentially ended the third line in a semicolon, you could eliminate the "As" in the fourth line. (I have this thing about reducing the number of times that word appears... I don't like it very much, but you might.) Also, for the second line, you might add "in" before "two pieces" to give the idea of a torn heart more reader credibility.

The third - I love this. Very little I would change that isn't personal preference, and that would probably be just splitting the last line in two parts with a dash, where it goes from the colour to the love.

The fourth, I might change "sew" for another word, just as "glue", or just "fix" and change the line a little more. But I'm not the poet for this piece, so I'll let you make your choice. "Sew" sounds more like something that would go with "torn"; "glue" goes with "broke" in my head. Also, there sounds like there ought to be a comma after "up" in the third line, but that might just be me and my asthma when I read it out loud.

The fifth, the only thing I want to change might be "under" for "in". "They're in eclipse" sounds more like they're suffering a state of time - "they're under eclipse" puts them physically under a kind of shadow.

In the sixth, "crushing" doesn't quite fit. Maybe change "nothing" to "naught", and perhaps "my bones are crushing" to "my mind is fraught" or something along those lines? Again, I'm not the poet, this is just what I think of when I think of what could be specified or improved with the word choice.

I love the ending, and I like the poem and its message as a whole. Love you, dear, and hope to see more from you soon.

Heeeey annaseale1998!
How are you today? =) I'm going to try and give you a good review here but forgive me if it isn't helpful at all or just plain senseless stuff XD I haven't reviewed in quite some time and you're my second try today! XD
Okay I should stop babbling and get to work here! Don't worry, you have nothing to fear from me XD I couldn't find anything in this that I don't like so I'm just going to talk about why I like it and how much I like it. lol XD So not a very helpful review from me =)

Okay so I really like this poem. You have a great rhyme in this that just keeps going on in every part of the poem! (I always fail at that, so that makes you awesome lol).

I also really like the idea behind this and how you've worked it out. It's totally crappy when you feel that way about a person and I really hope this isn't happening to you right now OO
You worded it great and when people have been in these kind of situations then they can totally relate because of that. I don't really know what else to say actually OO

I'm sorry that this isn't really helpful but I really liked it! XD
Keep writing!
-qaralynn-

*runs to the like button*

A very nice poem. I like how while reading it, the tone of the poem implies a color scheme of black and grey. Sometimes, colors stick out to me in poems. The repeated theme of black and grey really helped to tie the poem together, without actually being predictable, which is a nice contrast to a lot of other poetry. FYI, source is spelled with a U, for the first line in the third stanza. But what I especially like was your ability to keep the tone dark. That is something I personally struggle with, because I'm a very upbeat and optimistic person, so it's nice to read stuff like this for a change. Thanks for sharing this!