Not Wanted

I can tell when I’m not wanted.
The tone of your voice
Beating my head
every time you speak to me.
I don’t get why.
What did I do wrong?
I’ve tried my best,
To make you accept me,
To make you love me.
But, no matter how hard I try,
I will never be up to your standards.
So,
I will shut you off,
I’m giving up.
I’m hiding away until you care.
Even then,
I will stay hidden.
It doesn’t seem right,
That you can lean on me whenever,
But I can never lean on you.
I tell myself I’m not stupid.
I’m independent, and strong.
But, deep down you and I both know,
I’m just a week, naïve, and hopeless little girl.
You never believed in me.
You never tried to seek my thoughts.
You never trusted me with your secrets,
So why should I trust you?
Whatever.
If you don’t care, then neither do I.
I’ll hide my secrets; I’ll hide my tears
I can tell when I’m not wanted.
I can tell when you don’t care,
And neither do I.
Yeah,
Neither do I.

This was great! It was full of emotion, the thought was expressed well, and it was very edgy. The whole story is full of angst. I just don't get the last three lines. Also, I would consider changing this part:

I tell myself I'm not stupid.
I'm independent, and strong.

A comma at the end of "I tell myself I'm not stupid." seems better to me. That's probably just opinion, and either way is technically correct, but I think the comma binds those sentences together, and makes the emotion feel stronger. Great job!

Hey LittleLionWoman,

This was really great. Maybe consider reading over it and re-wording some
of your lines for better flow.

Otherwise, it was a fantastic expression of emotion and it had a very clear
direction and we knew you were speaking to a specific someone, so you had
a good source to inspire you and a source to unleash your energy upon.

Well done. Miyakko.

I really love how this is so straight up and to the point. It just flat out says "I'm tired of dealing with you. Goodbye." It's so full of angst and emotion. I also love how it relates to me so much at the moment.... But anyways.

I'm not a huge poet, so I can't exactly point out things to fix. I will say, the pacing is kind of odd. Or I guess I should say the lines are really different lengths? Like I said, I don't know a lot about poetry, so I don't know exactly how to explain it (plus, I'm not that great at fully explaining things in the first place). Maybe you were going for that, which is cool. I just like the same rhythm throughout the whole poem. I'm one of those people who likes repetition, though a lot don't, so you're probably one of them. Also, one more thing: is there supposed to be a period after the first line? It just sounds like there should be a pause to me.

Other than that, I really, really love this. I love the message that you don't need someone in your life who doesn't want or need you at all. All in all, lovely poem. Hope you keep writing. C:

~Lee-Anna