In Captivity

Spoiler

An older work of mine, written around the end of April. It's less freeverse than some ideas of mine, and I rather like it for my inexperience in this field of poetry. Some of the rhyme is forced, but I tried to keep the rhythm looser, considering I was never very good at meter and time.

You know,
I never meant to hurt you.
It was just so quickly done.
The knife in my hand,
Taken and broken
Through flesh and blood and bone.

I never meant to hurt you,
So sweet and innocent -
You never knew
What went on in the dark.
The shadows were your enemies,
And it was only them you slew.

You were such a bright thing
And sorrowful was your death,
Though it was mine.
I tried to hold onto you
Even after you were cast off.
I was never quite fine.

My soul is frayed and tattered
As I write this letter in blood.
Cold blood and fire:
That is what makes up my life
These days, so cold without you,
So dark and dire.

You were such a bright thing
And so joyful was your life
That we forgot -
Neither of us belonged here.
We were only passing through,
And your passage so short.

I like this poem, it was quite disturbing, haunting, even. After I read your little spoiler about how some of it was forced, I agreed immensely. Some parts felt like you weren't quite sure what to say, so you forced words out. Still, it was enjoyable, considering my love for darker pieces. I like how there was repetition, but it wasn't overly superfluous. I know you said it was one of your older works, but if you ever feel forced to write something, just relax. I usually listen to music that sets the mood for what kind of writing I'd like to do. Hopefully this helps!

"You know,
I never meant to hurt you.
It was just so quickly done.
The knife in my hand,
Taken and broken
Through flesh and blood and bone.

I never meant to hurt you,
So sweet and innocent -
You never knew
What went on in the dark.
The shadows were your enemies,
And it was only them you slew.

You were such a bright thing
And sorrowful was your death,
Though it was mine.
I tried to hold onto you
Even after you were cast off.
I was never quite fine.

My soul is frayed and tattered
As I write this letter in blood.
Cold blood and fire:
That is what makes up my life
These days, so cold without you,
So dark and dire.

You were such a bright thing
And so joyful was your life
That we forgot -
Neither of us belonged here.
We were only passing through,
And your passage so short."

Very erie, but interesting. Like the spoiler, and the previous review, this poem seems a bit forced, but I feel like it kind of adds to it. Some poems can work with that kind of tension. So good job. it's also harder to write a poem like this, so anyone who's use to writing free verse would have a bit of trouble with a strict poem. Anyways, great job!
-LittleLionWoman