Extracts from a lame time traveler's journal - Part 2

My fondest memories were made while exploring the deep jungles of Y'mboham. This magical island, south-east off the west coast of the mother continent, which I used to refer to as 'the island with a thousand caves', was home to the Ukudoeka tribe. I spent nearly 15 months with them, studying their odd culture, trying to become skilled at their peculiar ways of hunting the Impunzi - a small hog-like buck.

This unusual looking buck had the eye-site of a baby hawk, the cunningness of a viper, and the strength of a warthog. However, the Impunzi was not a beast blessed with an automatic immunity from savage hunters. Nature, regrettably, thought it best to furnish our buck with the agility of a senile tortoise. Even the most novice of the hunters could easily track down and kill this creature doomed by millions of years of evolution.

Providentially for our senile buck, the local hunters had a hindrance of their own - they had Prosopagnosia - a mental condition in which the hunters were incapable of distinguishing between the faces of their own tribe members and objects that they should know. The Impunzi buck would more often than not be mistaken for a burnt piece of timber.

Nature, regrettably, thought it best to furnish our buck with the agility of a senile tortoise
I quite enjoyed this piece of writing and thought that the descriptions were very good. I didn't know whereabouts in time this was but I guess that if I had read the first part (which I couldn't find) I would probably have. I think perhaps more could have happened and you could have given an example of a particular circumstance, or talked about a particulat tribesmen. My favourite line is; 'Nature, regrettably, thought it best to furnish our buck with the agility of a senile tortoise.' Genius. It was very well-written and quite amusing at times.

I enjoyed reading this piece, probably because it was so well-written or maybe I just like the subject of animal hunting that your were talking about.
Question: Where is Part 1? I haven't seen it submitted here. It would be more understandable for the readers to read part 1 first before commenting on this one. I am going to review this one, though.

This unusual looking buck had the eye-site of a baby hawk, the cunningness of a viper, and the strength of a warthog. However, the Impunzi was not a beast blessed with an automatic immunity from savage hunters. Nature, regrettably, thought it best to furnish our buck with the agility of a senile tortoise. Even the most novice of the hunters could easily track down and kill this creature doomed by millions of years of evolution.

Love this paragraph. The descriptions are stunning and well fitting. I haven't really heard of Impunzi, is it a critically endangered animal? A endemic one to this island you were talking about? While reading this, I wondered why hunters would track this animal in particular, no reasons are mentioned though.

I would count this as one of the best pieces I have ever read on the YWS, great job. Wish to read more of your works.

Hi

Right well this piece was very short but I will do my best to give a good review.

My favourite bit was deffinately this line:

'Nature, regrettably, thought it best to furnish our buck with the agility of a senile tortoise.'

I find it hard to add even slight humour like this into my writing yet you seem to make it look so easy.

I would also like to know where part one is as it would seem that you have only made this post. It doesn't quite make sense to me to read part 2 before I have read part 1.

This story does leave the reader with some questions (maybe things whih were shown in part 1?) such as who is the speaker, do they travel alot etc.

You also use the words odd and peculiar to describe their hunting methords and their culture but yet the rest of the piece really focuses on this strange creature and how they sometimes mistake it for timber. Really the reader is left wondering what this strange culture is like and what makes the hunting methords so strange.

Overall I enjoyed it but a lot is left unsaid and Part 1 isn't here

- apple96