Daydreams

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Books, books, they line my shelves
With magical stories of faeries and elves
With six-legged goats and space-flying boats
To the subtle beaches and shells

They tell of violet planets and highs
Mystical creatures with ruby red eyes
A sparkling star, trapped in a jar
That yearns to return to the skies

Words that speak of blood stained nights
Where knives are thrown in deadly fights
Where the curtains are drawn till the break of dawn
Till everything stays but the frights

Tales that see the vampires crowned
The humans and victims tied and bound
Till the sun hits the sky and the vampires die
And the legend is buried and found

And of course the tales where the roses are red
Where the violets are blue and the couple are wed
Where the water it shines like sweet tasting wines
But you've got to take care where you tread

And sometimes the light from the sun is all
To make the eastern mountains topple and fall
Where the flowers, they bloom, from the light of the moon
And the fleckled night birds, they call

Books, books, my time they reap
Then all too soon I am forced to sleep
Where the lover, she wails
And the climber, he fails
And the daydreams and nightdreams
They creep
Last edited by annaseale1998 on Sun Sep 25, 2011 8:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
"For whether a place is a hell or a heaven rests in yourself, and those who go with courage and an open mind may find themselves in Paradise." - Eva Ibbotson (Journey to the River Sea)




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This poem uses a lot of imagery and almost each line is filled with it. Thats good, because imagery keeps the reader in touch with what's being said. Which means that I felt and actually 'saw' every event that you have described. Looks like it is purely about fantasies that go on in your mind during the day or the night. In brief - it is a good poem!! And you should know that there are always ways of improving - keep looking for them and Keep writing :)

P.S :

Some corrections :

With magical stories of faeries fairies and elves


But you've got care where you tread
I think it should be 'got to care'.
You either worship something higher than yourself or end up worshiping yourself

Naturally Tipsy ©




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Hi there! Welcome to YWS!

From the first stanza, I was drawn into this poem. I love the beginning where you repeated the word 'books'. I know it's a small thing, but that's really what grabbed my attention. You set your rhythm and really started off the piece well. You have some great imagery in this and you put good emotion into it as well. Your rhyme scheme is great and it really adds to the flow of this piece.

A sparkling star, trapped in a jar

I really like the rhyming within the line here. 'Star' and 'jar' are a great rhyme and really give the poem something more.

And the legend is buried and then found

So, this is just a small suggestion I have. I think you should say 'then' instead of 'and'. When you say 'buried and found', to me it sounds like you're burying something while it's being found. If you use the word 'then', it makes it clearer.

Overall I really like this. I can't wait to read more of your work! Keep writing! :)
Noelle is the name, reviewing and writing cliffhangers is the game.

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I love the idea of this poem! The title is very interesting and I just love how you are telling about all the different types of stories. I think this is my favourite verse:

annaseale1998 wrote:And of course the tales where the roses are red
Where the violets are blue and the couple are wed
Where the water it shines like sweet tasting wines
But you've got care where you tread


Isn't it you've got to take care?

And also you misspelled fairies in one of the first verse.

But overall I really like this poem!

Deanie x
Trust in God and all else follows.

Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014
Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015
Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015




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Thanks! The thing about 'got care' was a mistake (thanks for spotting that, I didn't realise). Really appreciate the comments!
"For whether a place is a hell or a heaven rests in yourself, and those who go with courage and an open mind may find themselves in Paradise." - Eva Ibbotson (Journey to the River Sea)




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Hello! Nice to meet ya, I'm here to review.

So, diving in, I liked this poem. The rhyme scheme, at first, was quite confusing to me. After a while, however, I warmed up to it.
Tales that see the vampires crowned
The humans and victims tied and bound This is the bit that was kind of off-kilter as far as rythem. You shouldn't find youself tripping over the words, like I did.

Books, books, my time they reap
Then all too soon I am forced to sleep
Where the lover, she wails
And the climber, he fails
And the daydreams and nightdreams
They creep This is my favorite stanza! I love how you broke the lines up. It's a nice look and sound. Very good job.


Overall, I think this poem is quite imaginative. Good work, and keep on writing!
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