Death

'' What is death?'', I ask.

"The end of life.

The perishing of a body.

The traveling of a soul

Through an endless hole.

A hole of time,

A hole a space,

A hole that leads to

an endless place."



"Why be so pessimistic?" I ask

"I' ll just say

''They've drunk the Draught of Peace

and fallen of to endless sleep.

Greeted by eternal peace,

They begin their journey a new.



"Their soul is free,

No longer influenced by

Joys and grief.

For reborn they shall be,

But as what we shall see

Only as time passes by

and as time passes by."''

Hey Angel,

I found this very interesting. It has a sing-song feel to it, which I like. I kind of imagined the narrator asking some sort of higher being, or something that knows the secret but isn't quite willing to tell.

There are a few punctuation and grammatical errors, but I think with a quick read-through you can find them.

The one thing I'm not sure about is the rhyming pattern. I'm not sure if you're trying for a specific pattern, or if, as mentioned before, you're going for a more sing-song feel. I'm not sure it really needs a structured pattern, but it's something to consider.

Anyway, I like it!

AKU! Yes! You posted this poem! ^^
Right, so, nitpicks:

Angelreader77 wrote:'' What is death?'', I ask.

"The end of life.

The perishing of a body.

The traveling of a soul

Through an endless hole. You've put a lot of space between each line. I think that would be because of the Facebook copy-paste, but yeah. :/ This could have been one paragraph, and you could have started a new one, by the second one. But it's good this way too!

A hole of time,

A hole a space,

A hole that leads to

endless places." An* endless place* (place, not places.)



"Why be so pessimistic?" I ask

"I' ll just say That small gap there shouldn't be there. I'll, not I' ll. xD Sorry for being so nitpicky xP

''They've drunk the Draught of Peace (I've said it before, I say it again. I'm lovin' this line!

and fallen of to endless sleep.

Greeted by eternal peace,

They begin their journey a new.



"Their soul is free,

No longer influenced by

Joys and grief.

For reborn they shall be, Comma between "they" and "reborn"

But as what we shall see

Only as time passes by

and as time passes by."''

Overall: Good! Really good!
Keep it up, Aku!

-Soxxie.

I SOOO loved it!!
Wow!
There's something I want to say though...
In this part:

Angelreader77 wrote:A hole of time,

A hole a space,

A hole that leads to

endless places."

Don't you think this would be even better if "endless places" was just " (an) endless place"?? I think it would make more sense.
Anyway... It is awesome!
Congratulations and let us hear from you again soon!

I loved this writing. It had a kind of flow to it. I loved how someone was asking someone questions, obviously someone more wiser than the asker. I don't have much to say, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece.

Deanie x

The *insert petname or name whichever here*
Surprise surprise! I finally joined this site... nice surprise no?
Anyways, I loovvvvveeeee all your poems and you know it! So that's my review right there
Loads of love,
Guess who? <3