Bird of Flight

Take flight and be free,
The cage that binds
Must be lifted
From thy body

Skip, hop,
Run, jump,
Fly to the highest
Mountain peak

The skies call,
The valley sings,
The forest whispers
Secret things

Can’t stand still,
Always in motion
Never dull,
Never tame

So many sights,
So many smells
The world is a
Symphony of Senses

Though the bird
Has beautiful feathers,
Gold and silver,
Black and white

It is a fickle creature,
Beautiful yet cruel,
No heart
And no care

If captured
It lies in wait.
Cooing and caressing,
But soon it pounces

The kitty cat
Cannot be bound,
She will not stand
For mundane ways

Only when
The wings are clipped,
Will the bird be silenced
Forever more

This is really really great!

The skies call,The valley sings,The forest whispersSecret things

This part was my favorite. I spend a lot of time outdoors, so this really spoke to me. Great work!

Happy Writing! & congrats

So, this was alright as a poem. I can't say it really grabbed me, i think it would have been better if you got really under the skin of what you're trying to say, and say things that are far deeper than you've reached in this piece of writin.g

Skip, hop,
Run, jump,
Fly to the highest
Mountain peak -------> Like the rest of the poem it all flows really well but the use of vocabulary could be better.

The skies call,
The valley sings,
The forest whispers
Secret things , i love this part of the poem. This was really nicely described. Especially the valley sings.

Can’t stand still,
Always in motion
Never dull,
Never tame and say more!! why never dull , why never tame? why always in motion? Thats the things we as readers want to hear!

So many sights,
So many smells
The world is a
Symphony of Senses - Symphony of senses is nice, although slightly cliche. What are the sights and smells? Tell me more.

Though the bird
Has beautiful feathers,
Gold and silver,
Black and white ---This is stating the obvious too much.

It is a fickle creature,
Beautiful yet cruel,
No heart
And no care ---ok...but i want to know WHY

If captured
It lies in wait.
Cooing and caressing,
But soon it pounces --You could describe the cold heart it has inside. The cold thoughts. Why is it the way it is? What makes a piece of writing stand out is when you reveal things to us that we haven't already seen.

The kitty cat
Cannot be bound,
She will not stand
For mundane ways

Only when
The wings are clipped,
Will the bird be silenced
Forever more (this was quite a nice ending, really sad)


Overall, it was ok as a poem. But i'd really like to see more depth!

Hhmmm. I liked it, but I do think that your rhyming didn't quite work. Was it just an accident that you would sometimes rhyme? That threw me a little bit. The only other thing is when you said, "Take flight and be free,The cage that binds, Must be lifted, From thy body," this part seemed to kind of disrupt the flow a little. Maybe it was just me, but I think that if you had used slightly different words there, it could have made it better. Other than that, I really enjoyed it. Thanks for posting it!

-Xreigon

Well, i like it. I don't think that is enough though, but it just fails to really evoke any emotion in me. i think, try to use more descriptive language to give us a wider view of the image you are trying to portray here. i do agree that there are a couple of parts in the poem that do not flow: "Must be lifted
From thy body" i feel like these line could work better if on the same line, or if joined by a some sort of punctuation, just a feeling though.

i love the element of freedom represented in the poem and how that element is somehow manipulated in the end when the ultimate symbols of its' freedom are cut off. the poem represents a great idea, just work on making it deeper, for yourself and the reader.

xoxo,
"B"