Abortion

Did you hear the news? It’s the latest craze
among youths at the moment. It’s
called abortion, and it is making a
real killing at the hospital for those
doctors under financial stress. That’s right:
you’re a total careless slut who doesn’t
think ahead; who doesn’t think about the
consequences or her future at all
because she has to please her selfish self
right her and now. For you to live your life
again, you must sacrifice someone
else’s chance to live before they even
had the chance to experience life to
the fullest like you and I do. Don’t you
tell me that it’s not technically a
person because it’s just a fetas: as
far as I’m concerned, you’re not even a
person yourself because you’re not worth the
ground you walk. Selfish mole, you want to kill
a child before it has even lived
just so you can go fuck with with other
guys again? Haven’t you learnt from your mistakes?
Or to put it into a language where
you can understand, did you enjoy sex?
Did you really enjoy having that cock
shoved inside your mouth, and then your pussy?
You want to do it again? I know you
do, you little slut; but let me ask you
this: do you think you would have encountered
that kind of pleasure if your mother had
aborted you? Bet you hadn’t thought of that.

right here and now. For you to live your life

just so you can go fuck with with other

Saying 'other guys again' is redundant.

This reads as one of Fred Phelps' journal entries with line breaks, not a poem, and you may want to consider changing words like "total" and "technically" which mean hardly anything and just clutter up the whole thing. Content-wise, if your aim is to convince people that abortion is bad, calling everyone a slutty mole is not going to do it. Especially considering it feels like you get some sort of strange pleasure out of describing some girl having cocks all over her which really makes you seem sexually repressed/jealous and not at all morally superior. "I know you do, you little slut"? Yeah. And then the last line sounds childish. Take a minute and read this again and actually think about what it will sound like to other people because I very much doubt this poem is saying what you want it to say.

Well, I agree with everything you said here...
But this doesn't sound like a poem at all... I'm terribly sorry if that sounds offensive, but that's what I feel...
Look, your ideas are well written and your oppinion is consistent but I think you should rewrite this to make it more like a poem.

TDMitchell wrote:Or to put it into a language where
you can understand, did you enjoy sex?
Did you really enjoy having that cock
shoved inside your mouth, and then your pussy?
You want to do it again? I know you
do, you little slut; but let me ask you
this: do you think you would have encountered
that kind of pleasure if your mother had
aborted you?

Well, I think you didn't need to be so aggressive. I mean, it is horrible what this guys do, but maybe you could use a metaphore...
Again, I'm sorry if the things I said here sound offensive, but my only intention was to help you out.
Let us hear from you again soon.
Congratulations!

This is a little to ranty for my liking, rant poetry although good in the moment should be looked at and refined. I agree with the first reviewer, line beaks doesn't make a poem, you need to re read and refine.
Sure poetry can be angry but good poetry is not usually blatantly so. Again you need to look at it and re think and re write.
All this really shows is your ignorance and anger. I almost feel like slapping you, almost.

I like the first line. Nice rhetorical question, the enjambement makes no sense though, I feel like there is no reason. I suggest stanzas, one after 'financial stress' to stress the 'that's right'. You need to harness the hate and make it into something less like something an ignorant troll would write. It doesn't read like poetry and needs something to make it more interesting rhythm and composition wise. Also try and not to over do the rhetorical questions, I know I said the first one was good but you have over done the rest, and check your spelling , which isn't bad, but its 'fetus'.

Thank god for the rating, the imagery is a little blatant for my liking.

Now for my rant. This whole thing sounds childish and ignorant and hypocritical. Abortion is not a 'craze' its a serious mentally damaging and strenuous task. People don't pop into hospitals and think 'oh, I forgot to use a condom. Lets get an abortion' its a serious matter that you are treating like a 2D four piece puzzle. Women who get abortions are not given kisses and lolly pops. They come from all walks of life, from all ages and all backgrounds. They are not 'sluts' who 'wanted it'. It takes TWO to create a baby, dont' ever forget that.

You act as if abortion is an easy guilt free decision. Welcome to the real world. IT'S NOT.

Life is complex, even if you obviously can't see that it is. Get your head out of your middle class life and try to see things from someone elses point of view.

Ugh. Sorry, I guess your poem worked in the way that it did get it's message across.

I think your opinion is biased. You'll never have to make that choice, so you can say what you want about it, but you'll never really know. That's not to say that I'm for abortion, I'm not, but it's more complicated than you make it seem. For that reason, your poem didn't strike anything in me. Aside from annoyance. I think if you wanted to tackle this subject again, instead of yelling out 'slut' every other line, fill it with emotion. Put it in the perspective of a girl who's made the hardest choice of her life, who's heartbroken because she's regretting it. Have her at a playground, watching children and their mothers. (or something along these lines, something that breaks her heart).
Something like this will affect people more than what you've done here. Trust me, no girl (no matter how 'slutty' she is) makes the decision easily.
Hope this helped, caio