I left my path and way

This poem is kind of repeating it self:
You went away from your path, and then you came back.
But you never really came back to your old place- the other path have changed you a little bit, isn't it?
You left behind there someone you loved.


Generally, this is a great poem, I love it! good job!

i don't know. This poem is trying to be something it is not. Which is structured, metered, and rhyme schemed. All of these are inconsistent and pop in and out. It is trying to adhere to an invisible structure, which forces you to invert the syntax of some lines in a nonsensical way.

"did she wind me up in jail?"

i mean, what? also

"I was free and free indeed"

maybe you could get away with that if this was a classic rock song.

I don't know all i get from this is a highly allegorical tale about how you were diggin on this one chick but then you had to settle for her roommate or something.

the whole thing is summary, I guess I just wanted more specificity, more immediacy. More sensory detail and more strong nouns.

William Carlos William once said, "no poetry except in things." do with that what you will.

best,