All Tolerated, Now Peace.

Spoiler

It is half true of what happened to me. I was in a bad mood and was writing it down. Suddenly when I finished it, it was quite something I've never written.. So, I thought I would submit it! Here you go! There might be mistakes here and there. But please tell me if it was interesting or not.

All Tolerated, Now Peace


“No, you will never change!”
Said so many people to me.

I’ve not done anything at all,
But help and bring up a smile on their face.

“No, you can never support me!”
Said many of my friends to me.

I’ve not done anything at all,
But support and assist them.

“No, you’re never going to understand me!”
Said my favorite cousin to me.

I’ve not done anything at all,
But understand her situations and hope for the best.

Everyone complains and blames me only.
My life is like hell.

Betrayed by God
And wished by the Demon.

“I’m fed up with my life!”
I thought.

As I took the blade and severed my nerve,
I departed my life remembering my flashback...


I closed my eyes in peace,
Saying “Good-Bye” as my last words…

--

Spoiler

Would appreciate it with reviews!
No harsh words please! ^^

Love,
Lakshmi

hi! Here to review!

“No, you will never change!”
Said so many people to me.

Betrayed by God
And wished by the Demon

This line has a truthful beauty to it.

As I took the blade and severed my nerve,
I departed my life remembering my flashback.
I closed my eyes in peace,
Saying “Good-Bye” as my last words…

I really liked this. Maybe not the subject, but I love the poem itself.

~Drama

Being honest here, but this wasn't particularly poetic. It was a bit too literal, and there was nothing about this poem that makes it unique or stand out from all the thousands (if not millions) of suicide poems out there. If anything, it was rather bland for a poem about suicide.

While normally I would give suggestions on how to improve the piece, it's a poem about suicide, and there's nothing interesting here to really work with. If you must write a poem about suicide, which I highly recommend against as it is a common theme that is almost never handled well, try and find a more unique perspective than "Everybody hates me, so I'm going to kill myself".

Also, slitting one's nerve, although incredibly painful, will not result in death. A major vein or artery is the thing to aim for.