I really liked this. I like the harsh reality of it and how you've made some stanzas more dramatic than others. I also like how you use some long technical words amongst other common words- they fit in beautifully.
"Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean it isn't real?"
This is good. I liked the little touches of foreign languages that made it seem sophisticated, and I'm sorry, but I laughed at the end when you said he was fucking Olive. I realize that the narrator was hurt by this experience, but the harsh way you put it was funny. If anything, maybe make the rhyme scheme more consistent. Good work:)
"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known..." A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens.
This review is a completely pointless review whose purpose is to be a review only in characters because nobody can rightly review a piece that has been deleted, and seeing as how this piece has been in the Works with 1 Review queue for quite some time, standing in the way of bringing the count in said queue down to zero, here I am giving this a non-review review to knock it out of the queue.
Consider this a review IOU (boy are you racking them up) for one work of any form, to be redeemed whenever you wish.
An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that life's going to launch you into something great, so just focus and keep aiming. — Unknown
