Destroyed Wedding Day

I couldn't find the words to say
How to express the joy I was feeling the morning of the day
I walked down the isle thinking I would marry my soulmate that day, we had come so far throught the years of fear and pain
How could I have been so foolish
My heart dropped like a stone the moment she walked through the church doors
The way your eyes zoomed in on her I knew there was nothing I could say to make you stay
The best day of our lives was destroyed the second you caressingly called out her name

I don't know, this just didn't quite work for me. I felt like the lines shouldn't have been so uneven, as well as extending this to tell more details of the story. I just feel like this isn't completely developed yet. Maybe tweak it and make it longer? It's a decent start, but it doesn't feel finished to me.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Hello babymagic,

This piece made me feel absolutely nothing. It's a good start, but it needs some work. Keep writing, keep experimenting, I feel like you have a lot of potential.

For starters, I personally feel like the first two lines could be removed as they add nothing to the piece. If there are no words to express this emotion, why write a poem about it? Maybe there are not words - but there are images that you could use. "Heart dropped like a stone" is a good start - it's a little bit cliche though, so try to think outside of the box or think more creatively.

Also, always proofread your work! There are a lot of simple grammatical errors and spelling errors throughout this entire piece and that distracts the reader from the poem - and even worse, it ruins your credibility as a writer.

I feel like the ending could have been more dramatic if you had engaged the reader at the start - but I just didn't feel there was anything I could emotionally invest in.

Focus on creating unique images rather than simply telling everything. Reading poetry is an experience But all in all, it's a decent start. Now expand on it! I know you can do it!

As Always, Audy

I like the over-all idea, it is a good start, but there is some work that can be done. Over all, your poem is simply about being left at the alter, yes? My biggest problem is that the rhythm is off, but that's easily fixed with a bit of revising. The next problem I see is the lack of emotion. I read this like a paragraph, there was no emotion, no sorrow or fear. Try to use better words, more emotional lines, and try to fix the rhythm.

Some things I would suggest:

I couldn't find the words to say good start, I like this line
How to express the joy I was feeling the morning of the day This line feels awkward. Something simpler, with fewer words, such as "I cannot express the joy I felt that day." And then go on to explain how that joy was crushed
I walked down the isle thinking I would marry my soulmate that day,you've already used "day." You can't use it again so soon or it sounds awkward. we had come so far throught the years of fear and pain
How could I have been so foolish This whole line is a bit long, try to cut it down, get to the point, and most importantly, make it two lines.
My heart dropped like a stone the moment she walked through the church doors
The way your eyes zoomed in on her I knew there was nothing I could say to make you stay
The best day of our lives was destroyed the second you caressingly called out her name

The last three liens are really good, even if they're a bit long. It's pretty, and the last lines sums everything up perfectly. Goodluck with the rhythm, the idea is great, and I know the poem can be too.