Your Paper Beauty

You were captured by a facade,
an actress in a play.
So marvelous beneath the lights,
she doffed a mask by day.

She wore a paper costume
splashed with colors and with jewels;
you gazed into her gilded eyes
and swore you loved her too.

But the clock marched on and on,
and a rainstorm came around,
and when the raindrops hit the paper
the paper hit the ground.

You stood there so confused
as you realized who she was:
a horrible deceiver,
a mangler of your love.

She laughed through yellowed teeth
and batted bloodshot eyes;
she smiled at your sadness,
she grinned at your demise.

And she turned and left you shivering
as you wept amidst the street,
slashes ripped across your heart,
tears falling down your cheeks.

Boy, I want to run to you
and brush away your tears,
telling you I love you,
that I'd keep away your fears.

But you chose a paper beauty
and told me that I was plain.
So I turn and walk away from you...
and now, no love remains.

Hi there!

Wow...this is great! I absolutely love this poem. The flow of this is great. It has a definite rhythm to it and I could hear it as I read it(I usually read poems aloud because it helps me really tell what it sounds like). Your imagery is great as well. You did a good job describing the 'paper beauty'. Speaking of that, you also did a great job with that metaphor. You kept it up through the whole poem.

Overall I really enjoyed reading this. Keep writing!

I think your peom is beautiful, it seems delicate yet very strong at the same time. I really enjoyed reading it and it is very captivating and draws me in with the colourful descriptions full of emotion.

This is a lovely poem and I also enjoyed reading it!

It flowed really well and the rhythmn was kept constant. Though you did sneak in a rhyming pattern that at some parts was not regular compared to some other stanzas, I think you did a great job with the structure and flow of the poem so it was an enjoyable piece of work! I like your use of metaphors and imagery to make us picture that so-called 'beauty' of hers.

Examples of some irregular rhymes:

She wore a paper costume
splashed with colors and with jewels;
you gazed into her gilded eyes
and swore you loved her too. I saw that in the previous stanza the rhyming scheme was ABCB so how come 'jewels' rhymes with 'too'?

And here's the same problem I mentioned above:

You stood there so confused
as you realized who she was:
a horrible deceiver,
a mangler of your love. 'Was' and 'love'? For me they don't rhyme...

Maybe it's just me, but I think you just managed to slip those rhymes in. I'll allow them because the poem is really well written . Then again, maybe you were not following a particular pattern. Were you?

Like I've already said, well done on this poem, I really liked it!

Keep writing!

- Mikko.