Resplendent Night

Resplendent Night, die young tonight
and get born tomorrow; shine again
forever. Revival by the Heavens, revel in
the beauty of yourself and glisten while
God is dreaming.

Crawl Westward, and tumble
redundantly, like avalanches or washing
machines. And dare to dream of
finer things in your East; and
release/repeat.

Carve a place as solemn, for
you need a place to rest. After
years of ancestral incest you must be
tired of shellacking the stars
and the moon must be lacking its
veracity that you seek –
show us so we may know; tell us
so we may follow.

And battle the sunrise, the flowering
disaster, gallop as a chariot, and
murder sunlight –
or die youthful, and be brought
back upon your platinum
platform.

We’ll design you a purple
funeral, burying you in an
unmarked place, so no one can
disturb you. Resplendent Night, our souls
you’ve saved –
so we’ll be there like soldiers, to
protect our savior’s grave… dancing
and twisting, upon sweet ‘morrow’s
knave.

okay i just read your poem and i can say i found it very interesting
and feeling very real.
i like the choice of words you chose and the lines
were neatly constructed,but in some points i can say i didn't much understand it
but that could just be me really, but overall i can only say i liked it and hope to read more of your work soon

I really like the diction in this poem. You have some beautiful lines, beautiful imagery. I particularly liked the odder things you said. Tumble like washing machines... random things thrown in that while they didn't seem to fit, fit very darn well none the less.

The only complaint I can really make is that I don't like where you've placed your line breaks, often cutting off in the middle of a phrase or thought, and tripping me up rather than being unique or insightful. I think you could handle those better. Your punctuation also seems bulky at times rather than smartly done. Of course, I like punctuation that's sparse rather than obvious. Perhaps you should go through the poem and fix your breaks and punctuation. Might require you to change up some lines, but that's never a bad thing.

Best of luck.