The Fate I Never Chose

The tears well up in my eyes,
My heart crushed into a million pieces, yet again.
My fist tightens up as I stare out the window,
Trees sway in their calmness,
The stars shines in their brightness,
While I cry in my quietness…

The red gown had soon turned maroon,
Drenched in tears,
I continued to,
But the fate my heart never chose,
Clings onto me like the thorn of a rose;
Head swarms with scenes of disgust,
Scenes of agony,
Timeless pressure turns it into lust.

My eyes glare at the moonlight as it shines so bright,
The heaps of sorrow get stuck at my throat
I begin to choke in my sadness,
The pain builds up and grasps my heart tight.
Being alive for someone would make sense,
But straying behind everyone
Just makes life more dense;
I see the light but I can’t reach it,
I dream the glory but I can’t touch it,
I smell the air and yet…
I’m still far off from the scent.

Strands of hair fell over my eyes,
Shadowing the moonlight
Making it dark and quiet,
The beating of my heart just gets louder,
Pounding me to stop trying any harder;
But that is only the beginning…
Living the life of a girl I never dreamt of becoming,
The horrors of life gnaw me till there’s nothing more left than bones,
Draining me of inspiration with the words of blame.
Sometimes I wish I could just erase my name…

What life taught me isn’t something valuable and sweet,
It’s nothing that makes me glee,
Yet, it’s something I wish to flee.
Life defines your fate,
You just have to choose it by your own will.
Not everyone is successful and rich,
Some enjoy the little things
While others chase their dreams Big…

My heart will beat till I reach my dreams,
These tears I shed are at my own will,
But sometimes my heart does not want to fulfill.
I wipe my tears to the ground,
And I don’t care if it makes them frown,
Because inside, I know they’re just trying to turn my smile
Upside down…

Spoiler

Um...Please CRITISIZE MY WORK!!!

It's a bit long for my taste, but it wasn't boring like most really long ones I read. It was enjoyable, (in a sad way) through the whole thing, and I didn't want to keep reading.

My eyes glare at the moonlight as it shines so bright,
The heaps of sorrow get stuck at my throat
I begin to choke in my sadness,
The pain builds up and grasps my heart tight.
Being alive for someone would make sense,
But straying behind everyone
Just makes life more dense;
I see the light but I can’t reach it,
I dream the glory but I can’t touch it,
I smell the air and yet…
I’m still far off from the scent.

I really liked this, you used very good imagery in this poem. I like the way it makes me feel sad, even though i'm not. I feel like I am the narrator. Good job.

I like your thinking. You've chosen a good and suitable title for your poem. I have to agree with PurpleEurope. It is a bit long but not at all boring. And I couldn't find any mistakes except very very very minor ones... I think,

IdEaBoNe wrote:The stars shines in their brightness,

It should be 'The stars shine in their brightness'

IdEaBoNe wrote:Strands of hair fell over my eyes,

Here I think it should be 'Strands of hair fall over my eyes' since the rest of the poem is in the present tense.
So besides that, I think you've written quite well. Your talent is displayed here. (And I hope you're not really angry because what you wrote in the spoiler is sort of scary)

keep writing!

Since when are u a poet? Oh and an epic one too! (I'm being my toughest critic- don't mind.) You actually have good imagery, it’s like describing in a story so I can totally see it and I also get an understanding on your emotions. (Btw, I finished reading this epicly loooong poem, half way thru I checked hu I was reading. N yes, epicly loooong- u said I write long)

The tears well up in my eyes,…………While I cry in my quietness This para doesn seem to rhyme. The ‘–ness’ s at the end give a sense of rhyming but make it seem like a blank verse- here I assumed it were one. Your imagery though….impressive. And The word ‘quietness’ doesn seem to fit the sentence- not going in the flow.


The red….. I continued to, I continued to? The sentence feels unfinished. Maybe a word got omitted or sth. If not, change sentence arrangement.
Clings onto me like the thorn of a rose; I really felt this line, this was epic description- poetry as it shud be.  and up until here from the beginning of the para- good rhyming scheme.
Head swarms with scenes of disgust,-Scenes of agony,-Timeless pressure turns it into lust. The last statement leaves too much confusion- pressure to lust? The story hasn’t been described and is not understandable by the reader. The rhyming scheme also feels lost in ‘Scenes of Agony’- maybe it shudn’t be a new line. The amazing flow feels disrupted.

My eyes glare …………more dense; This para again seemed to be a blank verse, you shud either choose to rhyme or not to rhyme. Maybe when u read it aloud, it seemed to work. Maybe the flaw is in my reading structure.
I see…. scent. This was the best para, gives a great image of ur mind.

Strands of hair fell over my eyes, …………Living the life of a girl I never dreamt of becoming, This rhyming and flow was good, so was the structure, felt solid and whole.
The horrors of life gnaw ……..erase my name The statements each make great sense but put together, the flow keeps changing- seemed turbulent.

What life taught …things rhyming scheme was felt and seemed appropriate.
While others chase their dreams Big while others chase big dreams or what they’ve dreamt big- dreams big seems off grammar. Though I wudnt kno 4 gud- not d English student.

The story was unclear, give more hints to explain it to the readers. Rhyming scheme kept changing, but the flow- separately- was good. Writer had a very clear image and emotion but u probably wrote portions at different times or changed feelings often when writing. C if u can do sth to change that.