You & Me

Spoiler

Hi. This is my first poem about My love and me I hope it's good. It's my first poem and I would appreciate with reviews Thank you and enjoy! ^^

You & Me

All alone we travel
All the way to the 'World of Love'
Where we understand and love each other...

You attract me like a male lovebird
And I adore you like a female lovebird
Now, the key to my heart is you.

When I feel thirsty
You quench my thirst by pressing
You're soft lips on mine.

When I feel cold
You warm me by
Hugging me with your strong arms.

I don't know how to express my love towards you
It cannot be said in one word "LOVE"
It cannot be said in one sentence "I LOVE YOU"
I want you to be mine forever and ever
And I will be yours until my last breath.

Hi there, welcome to Young Writers Society! I'm glad you've figured it out so far and posted this poem in the right place... Well, onto the review:

All alone we travel,
All the way to the 'World of Love'.
Where we understand and love each other.

You attract me like a male lovebird,
And I adore you like a female lovebird.

Your soft lips on mine.

I feel warm
When you hugged me
Without any harm.

This is a weird stanza. It seems like it should be:
'When I feel cold
You warm me by
Hugging me with your strong arms.
Or something like that ^, you know?

I don't know how to express my love towards you,
It cannot be said in one word: "LOVE",
It cannot be said in one sentence?: "I LOVE YOU".
I want you to be mine forever and ever...
And I will be yours until my last breath.

This was a really sweet poem.

Other than the things that I pointed out above...
1) You seem like you need more emotion in this poem. I know that you felt a ton of emotion while writing it but you need to explain that emotion more in the poem. Try saying something, like, "I love you with all my heart, yet it seems like I love you more." Or, "Even though we've always been together, I still feel weak when you're near me, holding me, loving me." Something like that.

2) You also should try to get in some imagery. Show us what he looks like. Show us with your words, by saying "I love to curl my fingers in your golden hair." Or something like that. Just be sure not to tell (as in "I love your golden hair), but to show.

Great poem, hon.

Keep writing,
Justagirl

D:

Oh my goodness darn gracious.

This reminds me of me and my friend (GUY) so much. How amazing is this, well I cannot explain. The depth of it, how not even "I love you" is enough to show them that you feel. How you will feel this, until the very last breath, and you feel like a lovebird and like singing and hugging them and just BEING with them. It's so personal and light, and even reminds me of that Lifehouse song, only if for the name.

THIS IS ONE AMAZING WORK OF ART.

I'm actually tearing up.
Dammit. I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

Thank you for sharing this, really. It's still....amazing. I'm off to read it again.

-Bo.

Wow. This is really amazing. The emotional depth was great and it was so sweet.

I don't know how to express my love towards you
It cannot be said in one word "LOVE"
It cannot be said in one sentence "I LOVE YOU"
I want you to be mine forever and ever...
And I will be yours until my last breath...

I love this stanza. I like the idea that "I love you." isn't enough to show the depth of your emotions. The last sentence is very powerful, and it's a perfect way to wrap up the poem. I think you shouldn't have the ". . ." at the end of last sentence and the line before it. If it was only the last line and the one before it has normal punctuation, I think it would have a little more of an impact and flow smoother. I hope this helped!
Love,
Sierra