Revolution!

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So this is a poem i wrote two years ago, when we were studying the french revolution! -__- haha.


Why so much blood?
Why so much terror?
Why such a flood
Of tears and horror?

Since when did humans
Look like dogs?
Since when did humans
Seem like frogs?

Why so much selfishness?
Why so much unfriendliness?
Why so much greediness?
Why so much unkindness?

Since when did authorities
Have all the rights they wished?
To cause such agonies
And then feel relished?

Why so much submission?
Why such a sudden revolt?
Why so much aggression
To make the french bolt?

Since when did violence
Appeal as a solution?
Since when did defence
Seem a contribution ?

Was it because you peasants
Were too poor?
And the law was unpleasant
To its deepest core?

Was it at the beginning
That you were lowered?
Left crying,
And deflowered ?

Was it beacause the goods
Were not enough?
And so all food
Had to be gained when time was rough ?

Was it at an early age
That you were force
In a cage
Of law and order- already divorced ?

Was it beacause you thought God
Had told you to lay low?
And suddenly you were the cod
Fighting back wih a bow?

Was it at the point of exhaustion
That you thirsted for revenge?
because frustration
Had left a sudden growing twinge?




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Why so much blood?
Why so much terror?
Why such a flood
Of tears and horror?

I really like the intro. Nice work keep it up!
I have a wild imagination, so don't jugde me.




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It definitely goes with the French Revolution. The intro is my favorite as well. I like it! I'm going to add it. Keep up the amazing poems.
“Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.” -- Spock from Star Trek

"There's power in stories. That's all history is: the best tales. The ones that last. Might as well be mine."-- Varric Tethras from Dragon Age II




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I really like how you used questions in this- it adds to the mood of frustration. However, maybe you could put some more statements in there instead of just questions to vary the mood if you wanted to make it a little more interesting? If not, you could just use a few more unusual words to flesh the poem out. I really enjoyed this though and found it easy to read and relate to. Keep it up!
"Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean it isn't real?"




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I liked this poem. It really shows how you feel about war. I like how you opened up your poem with a question, it made me want to read more. Your flow was nice and there was a lot of reason behind your writing. Your flow got a little bit messed up here though:

Doxie00 wrote:Was it at an early age
That you were force
In a cage
Of law and order- already divorced ?


In that line I think it is a little bit too long to rest of them. Maybe you should change those lines to regain the flow.

But apart from that it was really good. Very thoughtful poem. I liked it.

Hope this comment helps!

Deanie x
Trust in God and all else follows.

Deanie, dominating the world since it was cool @Pompadour, 2014
Your username reminds me of a hotdog @Stegosaurus, 2015
Tried to make puns out of your username, but every attempt has been Deanied @Candywizard, 2015



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