The Lame Girl's Crash

Within these four corners,
Walls of lies, fake laughters,
Been talking to myself once more
As the flower starts to wither

It's kinda insane
But compared to sanity,
This is much more okay
I'd better live like this

I don't know how to fix this pain
For all the things that I paid,
I never knew this will be my change
I am such a fool and lame

Screaming might help this ease
Than keeping these feelings inside me
The wounds within aren't really healing
These scars, I'll be forever wearing

I can't say, "This is all because of you,"
Because after all it's me who's a fool,
Thinking of a happy ending with you
But in the end it's all untrue

You were just my inspiration for everything -
Everything that brought me here
I thought we would be together living here
But wouldn't it be happier if it happened really?

'Cause the flame started out too early
And it ended up in a fatal crashing
The heart's torn into not just two but infinity
And the melody has just stopped playing

Before I thought I am a beauty
But I turned out to be the ugliest beauty
And I got no choice but to accept the reality
Facing the truth I was boasting of nothing

All these I realized in just one night -
The night when you vanished out of my sight
And I haven't even said goodbye
Now I'm telling it in the midst of a lonely night

Lovely written poem.
The first line of the seventh stanza, I think "am" is supposed to be "was": "Before I thought I was a beauty"
I like the oxymoron " ugliest beauty", in the line that follows after.
'Cause the flame started out too early- I don't see the need for apostrophe there.
Overall, nice dramatic poetry.

Hey there!

First paragraph, first line: 'kinda' won't work, love. Either 'kind of' or chuck the word and think of something else,

'I am such a fool and lame' from the third stanza. The grammer is so wrong. Because you were so eager on making the entire poem rhyme, just like the above, there were so many places the grammer was off. There are to types of poetry writing : rhyming poems or not. Choicing the first one, you put yourself at great risk. It limits your word choice and when you do do it, the grammer tears your poem apart.

Love, you had no puntuations, and that killed me :C I review tons of poems so I know how much the meaning can change with just one comma or fullstop. It will bring more feel to the poem!

The oxymoron 'ugliest beauty' was really good, as the above reviewer said.

Other than that, well done!
If you need anything, let me know. Keep writing!

-JT.

It's a very nice poem
And you've really explained the girl's feelings...

Only thing you need to fix is your construction of sentences. That's all you need to work on.
And your rhyming scheme. Like just the above post mentioned.

'I'm such a fool and lame'
When there's an 'and' between 2 words it has go with the describing sentence.

Like this for example.

' She has a laptop and mp3'
The 'She has' goes with both laptop and mp3

She has a laptop
She has a mp3.

So you're 'I'm such a fool and lame' will become

I'm such a fool
I'm such a lame.
It makes no sense. That's the mistake I found and I think you can be a great poet if you just work on these constructions and you'll be a fine poet

All the best <3

When you wrote this, I feel that you have an inspiration

Hello Abbie!
Well, I thought this poem was pretty spectacular. I liked the description, but a few things kept nagging me.

It's kinda insane

I don't like the kinda, but at least it goes with the flow, right?

But wouldn't it be happier if it happened really?

I don't know about the "If it happened really?" part. It sort of stood out, like it wasn't supposed to be in the poem. I suggest you change that line.

GREAT JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!!

~Kat