Let's Run

4 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 15440
Reviews 245
What would happen if we left this place right now?
Don't look at me like I've managed to lose my mind.
You know you've thought this way before.
We could be gone before they know we've left.
We could be free, we could taste the horizon.

Let's follow the echoes of the train whistles,
pursuing the essence of something more than what we are.
Nothing's impossible if you don't say it is.
I'm tired of being held back by notions of reality.
Let's break the rules and leave this town now.

Let's choose a star and follow it,
just walk in one direction until we find ourselves.
Maybe, in the quiet solace of a world we've discovered,
we will finally understand the purpose of our own lives.
Or maybe not, but I'm willing to risk it.

Stop shaking your head like my mind's gone wrong.
I'm tired of being told that my ideas are worthless.
For once, let's give in to the idea of something more.
Just this time, let's allow ourselves to lose control.
Let's get out of here tonight and find who we truly are.
“...it's better to feel the ache inside me like demons scratching at my heart than it is to feel numb the way a dead body feels when you touch it."

-Brian James




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 936
Reviews 12
really awesome.. keep writing the title of the poem really describes the poem




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 7522
Reviews 229
Hi! Have you got a first name? ( obviously ) I'm Amelia - nice to meet you! * shakes hands *! I don't think I've ever reviewed a piece of your's before - I'm looking forward to it!

Anyway, down to your poem. I really enjoyed it, first of all. Your username is really quite apt, because you seem to have a creative flare for poetry!

I loved the flow. It was a bit dodgy in places, where you cluttered your sentences up with too many conjunctive words, like here:

I'm tired of being held back by notions of reality.

This line is somehow too wordy, and doesn't exactly make an awful lot of sense. Let me put it this way: you could say what you're trying to say in a much simpler way.

I'm tired of the grip of reality - doesn't that sound more metaphorical and poetic?

As I said earlier, I do love this poem. I love the sincerity of your expression - it's truly lovely. I like how it sounds like the words are coming from your heart, not your head. Some may say that the topic is a little cliched, but I really like it.

Anyway, have a nice day!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1124
Reviews 16
Hey there, Kitty's the name I chosed for this site, but Im not willing to mention my real name cuz I don't want any one to know it. not everyone uses their name for this site so I won't use mine lol.

Any ways, I loved you poem, I've got no critiques towards it.. it's lovely and very romantic, this is a love poem isn't it?
if it is, I loved it alot, seriously i did. this deserves a Like" Keep writing.

- Kitty



Teach a man to fish, he eats for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, you eat for a day. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.
— Ron Swanson (Parks and Rec)