Wrong

Deleted. Sorry.

Hi! I'm Bel, and I'll be reviewing your poem today.
First, let me start by talking about the general things. Your rhyme scheme could have been a bit cliched, but you made it work without being Dr. Seuss. I applaud you on that note.
Sorry it's so long. I hope you'll take the time to read it all.

A lonely stranger traveled by night;
Afraid of day, afraid of light.

The flow in this seems a little off. It might just be me, because different people emphasize different words, but think it would sound better if it was like this.
"A lonely stranger traveled by night;
Afraid of the daytime, afraid of the light."

But though his fear of light was strong,
He knew inside that dark was wrong.
His mission was to find a way
Out of the fog, out of the gray;

These lines are great. You don't need to change a thing.

Into the land where light was good.
He felt he could; he knew he would.

Since "could" rhymes with "good," you might want to change this.

"Into the land where the light is good.
He felt he must, he knew he would."

Behind him lay the realm of dark,
Black as an obsidian mark.

Very good imagery. Sorry. Back to the reviewing!

Before him lies a mystery,
Perhaps a part of history.
Was it a legend, a truthful lie?
He would find out unless he die.

The first two lines are good, but I'm going to offer a suggestion on the last two.

"Was it a legend that truthfully lied?
He would discover the truth, unless he died."

Until then he would look around
Both in the sky and on the ground.

These lines seem a little out of place. Maybe a little too rhyme-y?

"Until he found out he would look around,
Look to the sky, look to the ground."

Basically the same thing, but a little better. (In my opinion.)

As time flew by the fog grew dim.
A lady stood ahead of him,
Her shining sword held high and ready.
The stranger’s horse grew scared, unsteady.

These lines are good. I don't think you need to change them. I'm not an expert though, so don't take my word for it.

“O night, why have you left your realm?”
She called, her voice a worried calm.

Good slant rhyme.

You have a few other oxymorons in this piece. They're a good way to use description, but try not to overdo it

“I’m searching for truth,” replied the stranger.
“I will help!” She smiled with pleasure.

I didn't feel this slant rhyme worked very well.

"'I'm searching for the truth,' replied the stranger.
"I fear the dark is filled with danger."

I feel it would flow better like this.

So together light and dark went on,
And light spoke up, “My name is Dawn.”
“They call me Wrong, I have no name.
My search for truth deserves the blame.

I just wanted to point out that Wrong and Dawn rhyme. Weird of me, I know. :D

I knew it was time for me to part.”
Dawn looked up and sorrow filled her heart.

The flow is a little off here.

"'I knew that it was time to part.'
Dawn looked up with a sorrowful heart."

Still, it' just my opinion.

“You should be Right, not Wrong my friend.”
Wrong knew at once his soul would mend.

I think you could replace "would" with "could" in the last line. It's his choice, not so much an obligation as an option.

A palace stood along the road
Wrong felt he had just dropped his load.

This felt like a Dr. Seuss line to me.

"Then a palace was in sight.
Wrong knew he soon would stand in the light."

I felt it would flow better and be more serious this way.

“Go on, step in!” Dawn pushed him forward.
He nodded; it was right, but it was hard.
Wrong took a step, his heart felt weak,
Compared to this, he was black as ink.
“I have done wrong, I cannot enter.
I am fiery snow, I am dark winter.”

The first four lines are great. The last line is a little weird. I thought it was just an overload of oxymoron when you said "fiery snow."

"I am darkest night, I am coldest winter."

“You must be brave.” She took his arm.
Wrong called out, it would do no harm.
“I wish to leave behind my sin.
I’m tired of failing, I want to win.”
“Because you chose to change your mind,
Your former life is left behind,

These lines are pretty good.

Take off the cloak of darkness now.”
Dawn whispered, her face aglow.

This doesn't really rhyme. I just want to offer a suggestion.

"'Take off the cloak of darkness, child.
You've finally overcome the trials."

That's just a suggestion that rhymes. So far into the poem, I don't think you wanted to break the rhyme scheme.

She changed his name from Wrong to Right.
His life would now be filled with light.
This was truth, this was freedom.
The darkness was not his kingdom,

"This was truth, this was freedom.
Darkness passed; it was not his kingdom."

I thought this worked out better.

He had been born to find this place;
To show it to his own race.

This line make no sense. His own race? What race? This is the first I've heard of them.

"He was the first one to be freed,
Now his duty was clear to be seen."

It fits a bit better. (Still my opinion.)

From now on he was a messenger,
Right said it again: yes, a messenger.

'From now on he would carry the light
Into the places of the darkest night."

If you made it this far, then congratulations! You made it through the long review! *cheers*
This poem was very good. Sorry to tear it apart so much.
Keep Writing,
Bel

Hello there!

I must say, this was a very very imagnative poem. But it was a bit too rhyme-y (as the person above me said.) And all the mistakes I did find were already said by BelarusBirdy, so thank you for saving me the energy! xD

Anyways, this :
But though his fear of light was strong,
He knew inside that dark was wrong.
His mission was to find a way (commar!)
Out of the fog, out of the gray;

This paragraph was classic! It wasn't to rhyme-y but it did prove that this is a poem.

This : Before him lies a mystery,
Perhaps a part of history.
Was it a legend, a truthful lie?
He would find out unless he die.

I'm not to confident about the last part.
"He would find out unless he die." The grammer itself seems wrong here.

But other than that, and everything else BelarusBirdy said, I love the poem. It proved that a person can change, if they are determined enough too.

Well done!
I would love to here more from you.
Keep it up!

-Justtrying.

Thanks so much for the reviews! I wrote this for a writing class a few years ago, and I know it could be improved. Thanks for giving me suggestions and advice.

Hi!

I like everything your written here though I'd work on your form.
If you look at a poem called the raven by e.a.Poe and looked at his form, like the internal rhyme scheme ect and apply it to this poem it would make it excellent and shine!

Overall I loved it, the form needs work though as the rhyme can be inconsistent amongst over things

Pm for anything

~ReDro