I’m up early,
Way before school.
To watch the sunrise.
Don’t tell anybody.
That ruins it. I like his part it's cute and creative
The grumpy moonlight clouds,
Shove and growl,
Away. I like the personification that you put in here.
To show the glittery sun.
Glancing over the mountain,
Checking the coast.
It’s clear.
He leaps up and grins.
The birds pop into a chorus, I suggest using a different word other than pop, it sounds strange in this context.
They’ve been waiting all night.
And so have I.
But soon the enchantment is over.
My parent’s alarm goes off,
And I tiptoe back to bed.
I’m up early,
Way before school.
To watch the sunrise.
Don’t tell anybody. this is really nice
That ruins it.
The grumpy moonlight clouds,
Shove and growl,
Away.
To show the glittery sun.
Glancing over the mountain,
Checking the coast.
It’s clear.
He leaps up and grins.
The birds pop into a chorus,
They’ve been waiting all night.
And so have I.
But soon the enchantment is over.
My parent’s alarm goes off,
And I tiptoe back to bed.
I think it really captures the beauty of being alone and the appreciation of nature. However, I did find some of the sentences to be a bit choppy. I adored the use of personification, though! Keep writing! I'd love to hear more from you as you've already proven to be quite talented!cammie wrote:The birds pop into a chorus,I don't like the use of the word pop. It sounded a little 'off' to me. Maybe it might be better if you use something like burst or explode. Not anything really important, but I think it might be worth mentioning. I don't usually like when someone has a poem with long sentences and then all of a sudden the next line is just one word. But it was really nice with your poem and you did it twice which made it fit. Good job.
I’m up early,
Way before school.
To watch the sunrise.
Don’t tell anybody.
That ruins it.
The grumpy moonlight clouds,
Shove and growl,
Away.
Anyway, I liked how you expressed each line. When I kept reading, and boom! It was done D; Whyyy? 
To show the glittery sun.-Glittery Sun? My love, Sun never glitters. It just shines and glitter & shine has a difference. So guess that wouldn't go well.
Glancing over the mountain,
Checking the coast.
It’s clear.
He leaps up and grins.- Who leaps up? *scratches head*
The birds pop into a chorus,- Nice line...
They’ve been waiting all night.
And so have I.
But soon the enchantment is over.-"Enchantment" doesn't really work there. Maybe it should be " But soon the magic is over." Sounds magical, right?
My parent’s alarm goes off,
And I tiptoe back to bed.
125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
