DELETE

DELETE

I like this poem very much. I think that a lot of people can relate to this, even myself.

But will they be there in the end?

that was the only line I had a problem with.
Great job!!!!
Keep writing-
Rayne

Hi there!

This is a great poem, I really enjoyed reading it! You did a great job. I understand what you're trying to say and I think you did a great job portraying it. Your imagery is great and the poem flows well. Your rhyming is off though.

Judgmental all day long
Sing this poem its like a song

These are the only two lines that rhyme. You should choose whether you're going to rhyme or not and stick to it.

Again, good job with this. Keep writing!

Hey, shiney1 here


This is an interesting poem, and it does have some truth to it. People do lie to you and fake their love for you, and people get hurt.
But I feel that this poem was a bit rushed, lacks a bit of imagery, and speaks one side. Which is perfectly fine if that is how you feel, for poems should express what the writer wants it to.

Why are people so stupid?
Why are people so mean?
They poke and prod,
And just won't stop until they hear you scream.
Judgmental all day long
Sing this poem its like a song This line doesn't fit at all. It feels like you were struggling to make a rhyme.
They smile and nod
Like they're your friends,
But will they be there in the end?
I doubt it, you see,
Cause I've learned
You let love in you'll only get burned.

I totally disagree with this last verse. There may be backstabbers out there, but there are also people who will return your love if you give it to them. But then again, this is your poem, and you are not wrong for feeling that way

So mostly punctuation, and more imagery would be nice.
But in all, nice poem.

Why are people so stupid ?
Why are people so mean ?
They poke and prod comma
And just won't stop until they hear you scream period
Judgmental all day long
Sing this poem its like a song This line seems very forced, and doesn't really go with your poem.
They smile and nod
Like they're your friends comma
But will they be there in the end period
I doubt it you see
Cause I've learned
You let love in you'll only get burned period

So you had a lack of punctuation in this. That's something you really need to watch before posting something. You didn't have any misspelling with is good! Try to add a rhyme here. Your last line is pretty long, so it screwed up the rhythm. You have a rhyme in here, but barely any. It seems like a skeleton of a poem. You need to work on it some more.

PM me or post on my wall if you have any questions!

-Boo

i Dont Agee With Boo on Some points But Really God poem

Brilliant Poem! I really enjoyed reading it, I read it three times out loud lol. <3

Wow this poem is so true and why are people so annoying? XD!

Wow! This poem speaks sooo much truth!!
I really loved it! Im afraid i didnt spot any mistake worth correcting! xD
Keep up the good work!

Very nice!

So as a lot of people have said, it was a relational topic. Some days you just wake up and you notice how much we judge each other based on our own securities without even realizing it. I liked the title, not only because it drew my attention, but because you're talking about people in general. You're talking about me and the next guy. You could be talking about yourself. Whether you intended to or not, we have all been guilty for judging and disappointing people. Whoever says otherwise clearly is lying to themselves.

The rhymes were very distracting. Rhymes are something that are very hard to work with, and they take full effort if you want to pull them off. People often write rhymes and forget their intentions for the poem. They let go of the emotion or they take the topic away. These are basically forced rhymes... when you rhyme just to rhyme. Forced rhymes are just a big no. They're silly and distracting. In all honesty, some of these were forced.

Preachergirl18 wrote:Why are people so stupid,
Why are people so mean?
They poke and prod ,
And just won't stop until they hear you scream.
Judgmental all day long,
Sing this poem its like a song This just doesn't really fit. it's so distracting and it takes away the topic and flow.
They smile and nod
Like they're your friends,
But will they be there in the end .
I doubt it, you see,
because I've learned
You let love in you'll only get burned.

Overall, very good! This was just advice and honest criticism, you have the right to leave it how you want it. I hope this helped and have a nice day!

Okay, so this is a poem easy to realte to and you manage through your words to get your message through. There were a few flaws with it though. For one, you should decide wether you want a rhyming scheme or not, and then structure it up. Also, I'd divide this piece into, two, or three stanzas for structure too... (I'm all about structure) The last line is very powerful, but it's still cliché and over used and it as this piece was pretty short and not that vivid and creative you should try finding something to make it original... not just "one of all of them* poems.

I'll give you 3/5 icky sticky spiders!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

Great poem! If some words rhyme then so be it. You do not have to pick to a pattern of rhyme or none at all. As long as everything goes you are golden! This poem as amazing potential! The idea is so true, beautiful and raw!
The part of the poem that does not fit with me is :

They smile and nod
Like they're your friends
But will they be there in the end
I doubt it you see

My reasoning is because it doesn't describe as well as it could the cruelty and selfishness , which was emoted in the beginning. Do not change you format, it is prefect with the emotion! Just describe more so you can let us feel even more! You are so talented, keep it up !

Beautiful! It speaks the truth. We all encounter people who judge one way or another. It is human nature. Although your poem didnt have enough detail I think it gives out a good point and i agree with it.