Trust

Spoiler

Okay so i kinda wrote this on the spur of the moment. Its one of my very rare poems with no rhymes whatsoever. -__-

The truth is,
There ain’t nobody you can trust
Nobody to who you can pour
Your darkest secrets to

No there ain’t nobody out there
To who you could open up
Who wouldn’t end up breaking you
‘Cause humans are all the same

I’ve learnt this the hard way
‘Cause I keep trustin’
And people keep betrayin’
Every second, every day

It’s stupid how I judge
People so quickly
And in my case
It’s always positive judgment
But I think it’s about time I start being negative

People out there ain’t no different
A few lies here
And a few lies there
In the end, it all amounts to the same thing:

HUMANS CAN’T BE TRUSTED!

I know I’ve got a million friends out there
But can I trust ‘em one hundred percent?

I read real stories
I see it on TV all the time
That man who killed his “best friend” cause of drugs
That man who killed his “best friend” to replace him as ruler
That girl who lured her “best friend”
Into a trap so lethal!


These cases all just prove my point
Humans CANNOT be trusted!


Some of my friends end up bein’ traitors
They show their true faces
When they no more want nothing from me

And stupid as I am
I just cant stop trusting
What the heck is wrong with me?
That’s something I sure can’t answer

Every time I get betrayed
I hurt and hurt and hurt
I make the vow to never trust again
But still I always trust.
It’s always the same story
I’m tired of this life
Tired of those two faced people
Who manage to fool me so well
‘Cause I’m so freaking naïve!

It’s about time I close myself.
Yeah right like if I could

I guess you could call me a risk taker
Cause I always trust too fast
A kind word here
A sweet remark there
And my heart’s all open
Gushing secrets out

And I can do nothing to stop it
‘Cause I’m always thinking:
“Maybe this person could be the right one”

But hell there ain’t no right one
And if there was
I don’t think we’d ever meet
Humans are just so twisted
You trust and trust and trust
While all they ever do is betray!

Call me anything,
ANYTHING but pessimistic!



I’ve had my share of people.
It’s about time I really,
Completely, eternally,
CLOSE UP!

Hi, Doxie! Isha here to review! ^.^

To tell you te truth, this poem wasn't all that enjoyable for me. It's a good idea to set as the foundation of something, but the way it was written made It sound more like a rant than a poem. Not to mention that the negativity in the poem didn't make it enjoyable. And it didn't make me feel provokes to feel the same way.

You see, all that the piece consisted of was the narrator telling the readers that humans can't be trusted, and it dragged out for an awfully long time. Now, not to say that long poems are bad, but you need some point of interest for your readers. This one just seemed to be repeating the same thing over and over again in a slightly different way all in an effort to force the readers to understand. trust me, we understood after the first couple of stanzas.

So, rather than carry on with sati f that no human on the face of the planet can be trusted, why don't you start to back that up? Sure, you did in the stanza where the narrator started pulling up examples of best friends killing beat friends, bit te argument seemed pretty weak. It happens, bit that rule doesn't apply to every pair of best friends. I want the narrator's reasoning behind this; I already understand the narrator's beliefs, but why does he/she/you believe it? Where's your evidence and your proof, the real foundation of this way of thinking, and can you portray this in a creative way?

This poem has too much repetition- keep the meat, trim the fat. If you have any questions, please feel free to PM me. ^.^

Keep writing,
~~Ish.

I completely agree with Isha on backing up what you have to say!

I think this was a really good first draft of a poem. Try to condense it though. Shorten it. Find the meat, use the meat, and only the meat! There's no room for needless words or lines in poetry. Every letter has to count. So how can you say what matters most in as few words as possible?


Also! Punctuation. You've got rare spurts of it here and there but I suggest using more! Punctuation is the map to reading poetry. Without it, how am I supposed to know where to pause or keep going or breathe or understand?

A great rough draft. Now, make it a real poem! Editing is your friend. Best of luck!

Hi! First off, I get what you're portraying here. Trust means so much, and when it's broken, it's nearly impossible to get it back, at least the way it was before. Its a horrible feeling to have someone you trust break your confidence, so I sympathize with you.

That being said, I feel like this poem is, well, a little redundant. You make your point, and then you restate it again and again. I feel like this stanza was where you gave the best proof of the point you were making.

I read real stories
I see it on TV all the time
That man who killed his “best friend” cause of drugs
That man who killed his “best friend” to replace him as ruler
That girl who lured her “best friend”
Into a trap so lethal!

If more of the poem had been this way, I feel that it would've been a more interesting read.

Still, you've got potential here. With some work, it could be amazing!! Keep writing!

Well. It's a good poem. It feels like a poem of clarity. There was no imagery. The imagery was more like emotions. This is a first for me and strangely I like it. Your voice was clear, sad, angry and paranoid. Which is what you intended. Your poetic diction was simple and straight foward, making the reader understand your emotions without any confusion. Your mood was also clear. I love the poem but I disagree with the message. Although you might think am stupid for saying this but keep trusting. If you close your heart, and the right one comes, you would never know. The pleasure of finding the right person will heal every wound humans have inflicted on your trusting heart. God Bless!!