Eat our hearts out

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Hey everyone. Unsocialbutterfly again with another poem about the same person I wrote about yesterday. Oh you didn't read that one? Well here:
post902411.html#p902411
It would be greatly appreciated if you read that one too. Thanks for checking out my poem, I hope you like it and tell me what you think of the title please!


You always loved her
She was always your favorite
You could survive the rest of us
If only she was around

You gave her what she wanted
Compromising everyone else

Not caring of everyone else’s feelings
You must have thought we didn't notice
Oh, but everyone did

You thought you were fooling us
In oh so many other things
We see right through you
So what are you gonna do?

She’s the only reason you’re staying around
You try to stay buddy buddy with everyone
All for her
To catch a glimpse of her

Doesn’t she ignore your calls?
Doesn’t she stay away?

Why do you want the only one unattainable,
When everyone else is trying to hold on

We’re trying to get through to you
Catch you in your lies
Put you in your place
And lock her away in hers

To see just what you’re doing
Is all it would take
But it’s easier said then done

I poured my heart out
And you cried because I mentioned her
You’ve been trying to redeem yourself with her
I hope it’s too late

It would be incredible easy
If all I had to let go was the person you are
But I guess I’m holding on
For the person
That I thought you were
Last edited by unsocialbutterfly on Fri Aug 19, 2011 2:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
♥unsocialbutterfly♥




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First, I like the title, although it might be too dark for this particular poem. But... I don't know... ignore me...You always loved her
She was always your favorite
You could survive the rest of us
If only she was around

You gave her what she wanted
Compromising everyone elseI like it. :D

Not caring of everyone else’s feelings
You must not have thought we noticed Worded a little bit weirdly.
Oh, but everyone did

You thought you were fooling us
In oh so many other things I like the oh so.
We see right through you
So what are you gonna do?That's like... a threat. :D

She’s the only reason you’re staying around
You try to stay buddy buddy with everyone
All for herLot's of emotion in this stanza.
To catch a glimpse of her

Doesn’t she ignore your calls?
Doesn’t she not stay around?So, I'm still a bit confused on what this poem is actually about. Maybe it will make sense when I read the first.

Why do you want the only one attainable,Do you mean unattainable?
When everyone else is trying to hold onSo, they want him to stay?

We’re trying to get through to you
Catch you in your lies
Put you in your place
And lock her away in hersGreat stanza.

To just see what you’re doing see just what, I think would make more sense.
Is all it would take
But it’s easier said then done Isn't everything?

I poured my heart out
And you cried because I mentioned herGood job portraying that he is only thinking about her.
You’ve been trying to redeem yourself with herTake out with her.
I hope it’s too late

It would be incredible easy Incredibly.
If all I had to let go was the person you are
But I guess I’m holding I'd put a line break here, combine this with the bottom one.on for the person
That I thought you were It bugs me that there is no punctuation, but that's just 'cause I'm weird. Good job, this was a very well done poem.
A non-writing writer is a monster courting insanity. -Kafka

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Hi there,
Nice poem. I loved the last stanza.
In the fifth stanza,
" You try to stay buddy buddy with everyone"; doesn't sound appropriate for this poem and it's theme.
I think in order to send a good message across, your words should be well defined and on point.
In the last stanza, "Incredible" should be "Incredibly".
Nice layout and good job writing it.
'when I'm gone, my words will remain...
your word is a weapon, either of destruction or re-construction, whatever you make of it,
It's your choice.'



"People should not be afraid of their government. Governments should be afraid of their people."
— V for Vendetta