That Night

You're right.
Being abused even once is such a horrible thing - and the younger you are, the more it hurts and the more it lingers with you. It's not fair that so many childhoods are ripped apart - and I really do feel for you and sincerely hope that nothing that this has happened since.
As for the poem, I think that it's excellent - but it's really sad...
(Obviously) I really... I don't see anything to nit-pick here. I hate to say that it's perfect - because I guess that it's the root of something awful.
But I did find this perfect - and please take that as a compliment You're obviously a very good writer.
Good luck.
Emmzziee.

Hi Writewriter,
I'm sorry for what you had to go through, I can say I understand what you feel because I've been abused and tortured as a kid too, I like your signature note that says you're moving on, that's the only way out of this rut. I am trying to move on despite the nightmares of my tortured childhood...okay now, down to reviewing your work; I think this line needs revising, "The scars,
some small and barely"
I don't know, but it didn't sound right. Also there was lack of uniformity in the rhyming and stanzas.
But you did a good job in delivering your message,I love the imagery and the passion the poem contains.
Good Job, Keep moving on!

First off, this was a wonderful poem, so full of emotion. I don't even want to review it because of how personal and how beautiful it is. Yet, you put it up, so I supposed I will try and give a just review.

That Night,
When I was five,
Haunts me everyday, Try changing up the punctuation, you have too many commas.
I remember it all,
Every detail.

I remember that night,
I wouldn't stop crying, Period?
I remember my mom,
Not waking up,
Not hearing me.

I remember it,
The footsteps,
That night,
The drink in his hand.

I remember the belt,No comma necessary.
As he took it off,
And I remember the door,
How quietly it shut,
As he set his drink, No comma.
On the floor.

I remember that night,
The first whip of the belt,Again, no comma.
Across my skin,
My first scream,
The one I got lost in.

I remember each blow,
As they got harder,
And my screams,
As they got louder,Period?
I hate the way,
I live it all again.

That Night,
I remember the first time,No comma.
I saw the scars,
Jagged and white,No comma.
Across my back.

The scars,
Some small and barely,
Barely there at all,
I remember that night.

The pain,
Each blow hurt worse,Comma.
Than the first,
The drink is picked up,
He leaves me bleeding.

The footsteps recede, Comma.
Entirely,
A bad night,
That night.

A part of my shadowy past,
While every night,
I live it again,
I never sleep,
As I swear I hear, Comma.
The footsteps.

That Night,Comma.
Brings me fear,
That Night, Comma
Makes me think he's near.

That Night,
When I was fivePeriod?

Punctuation was the only mistake I saw. It was a very emotional poem, and I wish I could say something to help. Anyway, know that I do care, and I hope the memories don't haunt you forever. This probably means nothing to you, but I am praying. Anyway, great poem, keep writing.

Wow this was incredible, it literally has me in tears right now. What happened to the little five year old in this poem is so cruel and horrible. I hope this is not a poem where it is real but it may easily be since I know of all the horrible things in the world. I saw nothing wrong with this, it seems perfect in my eyes, amazing job on this the pain and sorrow that was in this poem I felt it and it was strong and brought out raw emotions. All abuse in the lives of a child or anyone for that matter always effect the lives of those abused, wish it could be different
Thanks for posting,
Peace,
Snickerdooly

This is beautiful. It talks about a topic that people try to ignore too much. The emotion in it is real, and it is unique in its truthfulness. The capitalization and little grammar-type things were a little off, so you might want to check them over. If you want to spice up the poem, make it more interesting (not that you really need to), you could try some imagery. You could use metaphors or similes to describe the pain, compare the belt to an animal, maybe a snake. That sort of thing can make a poem like this even better. Keep it up, and I hope my review helps.

This is so touching and so so sad. the imagery was good enough to make me tear up. You did an amazing job writing this, your poem deserved to be featured!! I enjoyed reading your poem!! Good job, keep writing!!

This is amazing

Hi hi
As weird as this may sound, I really like this poem.. because I can understand it.
The feeling of remembering something terrible and reliving the horror, not something to rejoice about
but as I said it is easy to understand.
Someone somewhere sometime will eventually dread and fear the 'footsteps', or at least hear a case
that will imply this very poem.
-They way you wrote this poem with such simple yet cutting edge made it capture
my attention immediately
-I can literally feel everything that's going on, just by reading it!
-The concept of the poem and also the title fit each other so much

"The pain,
Each blow hurt worse,
Than the first,"

I could actually see what was happening in this verse,
scary but very descriptive

"A part of my shadowy past,
While every night,
I live it again,
I never sleep,
As I swear I hear,
The footsteps."

This one might keep me up at night (seriously, no joke) but it really was a good verse to draw the
poem to a conclusion.

"That Night,
Brings me fear,
That Night,
Makes me think he's near."

Again, it really does bring out emotions, even memories you kinda try not to think
about but you know they're there.
I'm blown away at how simple this poem was and yet how deep it was.

"That Night,
When I was five."

A very simple yet heavy way to summarize finish the poem, using only two sentences.

I do believe that there are some memories that scar so deep that it's painful to look at.
But one day I hope I'll be strong enough to keep those memories with me and one day be
strong enough that when I look back on them, they won't hurt me anymore.

Spoiler

(wow that was deep, didn't know I had it in me, lol)
(woah, ruined the moment, sorry )

wow, i can tell this is from real experience, or you made it sound like it! you used fantastic imagery "the first whip", the screaming out in pain, etc. awesome, awesome, awesome. i have no edits or revisions for you, it was very well written. i loved the title and how you incorporated it into the poem! please please please submit more!!!! great job and keep up the awesome writing