Dear Momma

Dear Mama,
How much regret is too much regret?
How many times do I say "I wish"?
Would you listen to me if I told you my mistakes?
Give me time to explain everything?

If I asked you to listen,
Would you clean out your ears,
Set aside your regrets, your bitter fears?
Would you look at me as the young woman I am,
See me for Passion and not a little you?

How many days do I think to myself,
How I shouldn't have let myself get carried away?
Do you see me as I walk along the shadows of this darkened life,
Holding myself up so that nobody cries?
Do you see me being crushed under years of self sacrifice,
Covered by my own anger and bitterness?

How I wish I could tell you my greatest of all fears,
But if I did, would you even listen?
Would you take me into your arms and tell me time and time again,
That you're there for me,
That you care for me,
That you love me?

I look at you and all of my being wants to scream
"Look at me!"
"See me for who I am!"
"Love me along side my mistakes!"
But I don't think that's possible.

If you knew,
If you knew all the mistakes I had made,
You'd scream to high heaven,
And you wouldn't love me anymore.

You wanted to stop the little you from screwing up.
You don't want to help me walk a good life,
Because you don't see me as I am.
And until you do,
You'll never be able to help me.
It'll be impossible for you to set me free.

Your eyes are clouded with the memories of your past.
Which seem to pull you away from me,
Chain you up instead of set you free.
Oh Dear Mama,
I wish I could go to you.

Hiyaa, the names Wisp and I'll be your reviewer today.
The first thing that comes to mind when reading this beautiful poem is; "This is amazing". I swear, I started crying when I was reading it because of the emotion underlayed beneath each line. That is how wonderful this poem was, I can truly see what you were trying to convey.

-- However, now it's time to suggest somethings that you may want to change;
First, I would advise some solid stanzas -- like placing them into stanzas of three or maybe four to simplify the seemingly on-going effect that it has.
Second, you could clip some of those long sentences but I'm not sure if you should or not, it doesn't seem like a necessity.

So other than that there wasn't much to comment on, it's a wonderful poem and you have real talent and I hope that you exploit this and use it.


Write on,
~Writteninstone [Wisp]

Hey!

I really enjoyed this poem! It was beautifully worded and easy to relate to in lots of cases.

Okay only a few issues :

Oh, how much regret is too much regret?

Oh, Dear Mama,

Set aside all of You use "of" in places you don't need to. Not a big deal other than if your watching how long or short your lines are. your regrets and your bitter fears?

PM me or post on my wall if you have any questions!

- Boo

Awwww thank you all for your comments I look forward to seeing more and more corrections on my word I'm so loving all the feedback!