The Waves Remind Me of Your Eyes

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Okay, I know, it's really crappy. I figured I should try with a poem. It's the first poem I've written in awhile, so please be nice!

The waves remind me of your eyes,
Even from closer to the skies,
Their blue colors I now despise.

My love for you will ever burn,
Your love for me, I could not earn,
My lesson I still have to learn.

My heart, my soul, ripped from my chest,
My cuts, my wounds, I carefully dressed,
My love, my feelings I compressed.

When you return, what will you find?
A girl who’s never been unkind,
A girl, you never had in mind.

I know that then you’ll want me back,
You’ll try to loose me from my pact,
With words so kind you will attack.

Your smile will call me back to you,
My resolution, you’ll subdue,
I’ll fall for everything you do.

The waves remind me of your eyes,
Even from closer to the skies,
Their blue colors I now despise.

But they are my only escape,
From the earth, myself I must scrape,
At my methods, you’d stand and gape.

A leap of faith, a final cry.
A test of strength, no way to lie.
No chance but now, no wonder ‘why?’

A fight to break the bands of fate,
A final push to heaven’s gate,
I hope my death is on your plate.

A jump, a fall, and then I’m gone,
As the sun rises to the dawn,
My life’s full purpose is out drawn.

The waves remind me of your eyes,
Even from closer to the skies,
Their blue colors I now despise.

Spoiler
The peom is about a girl who loved someone who didn't love her back because he listened to a rumor. He left for awhile to clear his head and to help her move on. So, while he's gone, the girl is thinking about what is going to happen when he gets back and she realizes that she doesn't want that life so she jumps off a cliff into the ocean.
I'm the author of my own life. Unfortunately I'm writing in pen. Mistakes I make can not be erased, the only option is to turn the page and start a new chapter. <3

I'm single because God is busy writing the best love story.
<3 VuzzyCat




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Hi Vuzzy!

I LOVED this, everything about it!

I can't rhyme myself to save my life, because of my dyslexia, so I am always blown away by those who can. (I can appreciate rhyme and verse just not write it)

How you were able to find such wonderfully descriptive words that rhymed is stunning!

My only critique is that I didn't understand the girl killed herself in the end, until I read your spoiler. I think if you were able to work that in to your poem somehow (that she killed herself because of him) it would make a fantastic work even more fantastic!

I will say it again, I LOVED THIS!

Good job my friend, unlike me you CAN rhyme!

~Shadow~ <3
"D*** the torpedoes! Four bells! Full speed ahead!"~ Admiral David Farragut




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I agree with Shadow, good job! The rhyme scheme was simple, but that worked for this piece. I agree that you could have expanded on her death, I also had no idea till I read the spoiler. The poem seemed like it was about a girl who hated her ex, not really depressing. I reminded me of another person I know with blue eyes... :wink:

I liked it! Nice for a first poem!!
Razzle
Cake and tea or death, cake or tea and death?! Little red cook book, little red cook book!
-Eddie Izzard

I am an evil herbivore. I will eat all the leaves on this tree. I will eat more leaves than I should... so that other giraffes may die!
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This is great, not at all like you had thought of it!! I liked how u made it rhyme because I just always think it gives poems a great rythym and effect. You should right poems more often!!
He who laughs last, should do so from a safe distance.




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favorite lines:

From the earth, myself I must scrape,

I hope my death is on your plate.

a bit confusing, but that might just be because its been a long day and i dont feel like analyzing anything lol. i liked the rhyme scheme and the refrain. some stanzas are simple, others are deep and philosophical. very intriguing and enjoyable :D
<<rose.blood.dripping.down.the.walls.>>



Some people are hourglass shaped, some people are apple shaped, some people are pear shaped, some people are even bean pole shaped, but if we’re not careful we all become banana shaped. This is your gentle posture reminder.
— Ranger